I am not the same because of you. I walk around with my head low to avoid eye contact. I always get nervous around people my age because of how you treated me. I never wear shorts anymore -- not since that comment you made at the park. I don’t even own a pair of shorts, because your comment burns in the back of my brain. I hide my eczema spots because you always pointed them out and called them disgusting. My hair will never be cut short again because of the harsh names you created. My social media has far fewer selfies than the average 19-year-old, because you taught me to hate my eyebrows and my teeth. I cannot play sports without constant fear that a ball will be purposely thrown at my head, because that's all you did to me when I was on the team. You drove me off of the team, then called me a quitter. You taught me how to hate everything about my physical appearance and abilities.
I am not the same because of you. I feel that I am a failure and destined to become nothing, because that's what you told me for years. The rude nicknames you called me constantly come back to haunt me. I live in fear when I'm sitting in my living room, afraid that you'll come back to egg my house or ding-dong-ditch me at two in the morning. Whenever I walk to the mailbox, I have a fear that I'll open it to find a similar gift as to what you left me previously. When I am walking and I pass you on the street, I am always afraid that you will follow me and harass me with those horrible names, as you did so many times before. You have crushed my mentality and taught me to feel worthless.
I am not the same because of you. I go out of my way to smile at the girl sitting alone in the corner. I leave notes next to the mirrors in public restrooms with uplifting quotes such as "you are beautiful." in hopes to make someone’s day. I comment the heart-eyes emoji on selfies of people I barely know, just in case they were feeling self-conscious. I like the Facebook posts of the people who barely ever get likes. I will defend someone if I see them being harassed like I once was. I do a good deed every day, whether it be complimenting someone on their t-shirt or leaving 50 cents on top of a claw machine to make a child smile. You ruined me, but you forced me to grow.
Thank you, to everyone who called me one of those rude nicknames or sat idly by while I was being beaten down. Thank you for crushing my heart and making me rebuild it. Even though I never got an apology from you, and I probably never will, I accept it. It has taken years, but I have found the good that came from those years of ruthless bullying. Because of you, my heart is stronger and my smile is brighter and I have learned how to love others.
