Dear You,

Yeah you. Oh forget it, you probably still have no idea and it's been probably 15 years now. I like you...a lot. We probably know each other so well we might as well be related (although that would be weird because of how I feel about you). I don't remember a time when I didn't have feelings for you. I'm pretty sure only my true friends know how long I've liked you.

You've been in my life so long sometimes I forget how well hide it. It's become a part of the way I interact with you. Every joke you say makes me laugh. Even every time I hear your name I still get butterflies in my stomach. It's not even fair that you don't even know what kind of power you would have over me. I melt with every smile. Even with every stupid thing that comes out of your mouth all I can do is shake my head, but I'll look back up with a smile on my face.

Sometimes I think you might feel the same. That's probably just my brain overthinking everything, though. You walking over and innocently having a conversation with me gets turned into a long monologue in my brain of, "He came to talk to me. Was he flirting with me? Was he genuinely interested in what I had to say? He probably thinks I'm boring. He just came over here to be nice, he didn't actually want to talk to me." Over and over again my brain will start to question everything and every interaction we have just in the hope I come up with some indication that you might have feelings for me too.

I don't know how I've been able to hide it for so long, to be honest. It's so hard not to stare every time I see you. And every time I see that you're online I fight the urge to try to talk to you or send you a Snapchat or text, because maybe if you knew I was thinking about you, you'd think about me, and maybe you'd realize we are perfect for each other and we'd live happily ever after.

But this is no fairy tail. You're still over there and I'm still over here and it's hard to imagine that this gap between us could ever be bridged. Our lives would get too complicated and probably mess up the lives of those around us. It probably wouldn't be worth all the trouble.

I'll just stay over here and wonder "what if." It's not like those are the thoughts that can plague someone's thoughts forever. What if we could forget how complicated it would be? What if we both woke up one morning and had the courage to say what we wanted to say?

I guess I'm a coward for not telling you how I feel. I just couldn't live with myself if me saying something would screw everything up.

I've gotten so good at hiding it I might as well just keep it up. There's no use fighting away feelings at this point. They're never going to go away. I'll hold onto them and bury them in my brain. Maybe one day you'll feel the same and I wont have to hide it anymore. But until then I'll smile from a distance and let our lives go on like they have for the past 15 years, but you'll always be my Forever Crush.