A Letter to My 5-Year-Old Self

Hi sweet girl,

I hope you’re doing well. It’s been a long time since we talked, but I wanted to update you on our life and share with you some words of wisdom because a lot has changed since I was a bright eyed five-year-old with unruly hair and pink skorts.

You’re going to move. A lot. To different houses and different states. And the first day is always going to be scary and intimidating, but there will be a person at every school who reaches out and invites you to sit with them and their friends. Hang onto those people because they will become your best friends.

You, as you probably have already figured out, will be an outspoken and confident kid. Do not let anyone take that away from you. It is not your problem if they don’t value a girl with a strong voice. It is not your responsibility to mold yourself into their idea of a perfect person.

The camp that was your second home, the camp where you accepted Jesus into your heart, is also going to be the place that makes you leave Christianity. But it’s okay because you’ll finally be able to love the people your big heart was always meant to love.

Your mom and brother will become your best friends and biggest inspirations. Spend every minute you can with them.

You will find peace in the sunshine and on the water, so take every opportunity to be outside.

You will have a love/hate relationship with your body. Please try to remember that your curves and tummy are beautiful, and take time out of your day to rub your belly. It helps more than you think it would.

You will feel every emotion so intensely, and that’s okay. Crying is good. Laughing is good. Being angry is good. Your emotions are valid, and you should never feel like they aren’t.

You will fall in love with a boy, become really good friends with him, and receive many mixed signals. And when he comes out to you because he knows you’re a safe space, you’ll be so happy that he gets to live honestly and fully and with the person that he loves that it won’t even matter that he didn’t (couldn’t) love you back in the first place.

Your life will forever be impacted by the TV show “Glee." And you will post an obscene amount of Facebook posts using all capital letters and too many exclamation points. But it will teach you that “being a part of something special makes you special," and you will join theater and choir to find your inner Rachel Berry, but you will end up finding yourself instead.

You will spend your senior summer around many bonfires with good people, good music, and good food, and that will feel more like church than your actual church did. Cherish those moments because they will go by quickly.

You will go into college feeling hopeless because your big dreams seem out of reach. Please know that you are capable of doing absolutely anything you set your mind to. You are so much smarter than you think you are, and I never want you to feel like you can’t pursue your dreams because you feel like you’re not good enough or that you don’t deserve it. You deserve the world.

Finally, please know that you’re going to be okay. I know that it may not seem like it right now, but I promise everything works out the way it’s supposed to.

I hope that you’re ready for these next thirteen years, Little Emma. They contain some of my favorite memories. Keep doing everything in your power to feel confident, proud, and strong, and I promise I’ll try to do the same.