I never told you that I loved you. In fact, we never even dated but I was so madly in love with you and you didn't even know it. You were my best friend as a freshman in college, you gave me feelings that I never knew could exist. I couldn't decide whether I was as giddy as a school child stomping through puddles of rain or had butterflies like the shy kid who had to give a presentation in front of the class. I couldn't tell if I wanted to jump for joy every time you invited me over or throw up at the sight of your name. And as weird as it seems: it was an incredible feeling.

To my first love,

I stopped thinking about you long ago, which is why I think I am finally ready to write this letter to you. I think I am finally ready to thank you for everything you taught me in our confusing, yet exciting friendship. I am no longer angry at you for breaking my heart and leaving me in shambles. While i may never understand why you left me, I can now thank you because that was the mistake you made that brought me to the best thing in my life.

When I first met you, I didn't know I was going to fall in love with you. In fact, when I found you I was only looking for friendship. However, we became inseparable. Where you found one, you found the other. And if we weren't with one another, someone was always asking, "Where's your partner in crime?" Sometime during the cuddling, lunch dates, and endless texting, I began to like you. After that, like the over-quoted but highly relatable book, "The Fault in Our Stars" once said, "I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once."

But while I was falling in love with you, you were falling in love with someone else. I tried to sit and listen to you talk about them but it was too hard. I became jealous. Being in your presence became increasingly difficult because all I could think about was someone else kissing you. They didn't care if it was perfect. I would've cared if you had given me the chance.

You kissed me once, leaving me with a sliver of hope that you wanted to be with me, which is why I didn't understand when I asked you later if you had ever liked me and your response was that you had never felt romantically towards me. We were just friends. Soon we weren't even that. You became a distant memory in my life. How could a kiss mean so much to me and nothing to you?

While I left angry and hurt, I also left learning valuable lessons that have helped me immensely in my other relationships with people. Thank you for teaching me to always for the extra mile for someone even if it seems insignificant. Thank you for showing me that sometimes all someone needs when they are sad is a hug and someone to listen to them. Thank you for showing me how strong I was for sticking around even in our lowest points but even stronger for finally leaving something that was toxic in my life. Thank you for teaching me that relationships aren't one-sided and both people need to always put in an effort. Thank you for helping me find my worth even if you lost sight of it. Thank you for showing me that I deserve something more. Thank you for showing me that I can move on and find happiness in someone that wants the same for me.

Thank you for being my first love because as my current partner, love of my life, and the person I want to marry, once said, "Your first love never works out anyway." Without being heartbroken by you, I would not know how to treat my partner right. Thank you for breaking my heart. It was one of the best things to ever happen to me.

Sincerely,
Me.