Dear Ex,
The first week after we broke up, I was numb. I remember telling everyone at school like a ghost, emotionless and distant. It wasn't until I got a C on my English paper that I felt how much pain I was in. Without hesitation, I grabbed my phone and typed in your name to tell you about my grade. That's when it dawned on me that I hadn't just lost a boyfriend, I'd lost my best friend too.
I used to tell you everything--you were always the person I could go to with any news or thoughts I had. I had amazing and supportive friends, but for some reason, it's not at all as fulfilling as having your own person to share everything with.
There was a good reason we weren't together anymore, but for awhile it was hard to remember. For some horrible, self-destructive reason, when damaged and broken relationships end, we tend to only remember the great parts. Not the passive-aggressive silent treatments or the nights spent crying in your living room. From an outsider's perspective, it seems obvious that if it got to the point where we mutually decided to break up, there were major issues. But it’s a lot harder to remember when you’re in pain and don’t have a person anymore.
Even though it's been over a year, I still have moments of vulnerability. My heart still skips a beat when I see a Honda Ridgeline or pass the restaurant we went to on our first date. Each time it happens, I look down at my phone to type your name but have to remind myself that we're different people now.
I still miss your cat.
While it certainly feels strange and a little heart-wrenching to see you with someone else, there is nothing I want more than for you to be happy and to meet someone who fulfills you in every way. I want you to excel in life like I know you are more than capable of.
Thank you for not pushing me away after it was all over, and for continuing to be someone I could rely on. Every phone call with you afterward got a little bit easier. I even remember you saying, "One day, we'll get through a conversation and you'll see that you finally don't feel like crying anymore." Each time I came back to you in desperation, you made sure put everything back into perspective. There were times like that when you made it easy for me, but there were also times when you definitely did not. I know that you were dealing with a breakup too, and all is forgiven.
While it has been a journey of its own getting over you, it's a journey I wouldn't have changed anything. In the time since we parted, I have become a completely new person. I’ve learned how to handle seemingly unbearable times of pain, how to be single, and what I want out of a relationship.
I think I can finally say with certainty that my journey in life with you is complete. Thank you for showing me that love exists, and that I’m strong enough to overcome anything that I encounter in life.
Sincerely,
Your ex
