When breakups occur, most people don’t consider just how much the two individuals lose. Especially when it comes to long-term relationships. Not only do they lose everything they spent so much time forging, but they also lose the bonds they created with their SO’s family. For me, this was and still is, something that I struggle with. And I know that I can’t be the only one.

I am 20 years old, and I have known and been best friends with my ex since we were in 6^th grade. I could have never guessed that our lives would change so much over the course of the years, and that my life would revolve so heavily around him. Our whole relationship was a roller coaster ride filled with endless scary twists, bumps and hills to climb, but it was also one filled with deep and unique love for one another. I can say that at least. The memories that I made over the course of our five-year relationship are ones that I will treasure for a lifetime. They represent simpler times and places that I often ache to return to, but know that I can’t. We are two very different people now.

But let me return to my original subject: His family.

I cannot even begin to express my love for this group of crazy, kooky, quirky people. Y’all have changed my life more than you could ever know, I’m sure. I honestly don’t know where I would be in life right now if y’all weren’t a part of it for the last almost-decade. You are my second family, even if I’m not in a relationship with your son anymore. You accepted me, even though I am completely different from you, and you let me into your home and into your family. In my eyes, your family is the sort of all-American, white-picket-fence family that everyone dreams of having. I loved just observing – watching your family do normal things: father and son playing catch, mother and father napping together, daughter and father play-fighting, the whole family sitting down at the table for dinner. These may seem like every day, minor occurrences to you, but to me it was fresh – something I wasn’t used to, but had always longed to be a part of. That’s why I have always been so attracted to this family. You provided my heart and soul with something it craved.

My second mama, you have done so many little things for me that have added up over the years. Whether it be something simple like buying soda for me whenever I came over, because I was “Un-American” and didn’t like sweet tea, or something bigger like picking me and your son up out of the middle of a snowy field when he hit a patch of ice. You always made sure I was included in family events, and you always paid for me too. Many of my firsts were with your family. Riding a four-wheeler, going to Putt-Putt and going canoeing, just to name a few. From long summer days spent at the ballpark, fishing, swimming, or just hanging out, to warm nights spent outside at the fire pit, making s’mores and setting off fireworks – these are moments I won’t forget. You took me to church, you always asked what I wanted to eat, and you let me take hours and hours-worth of naps with your son. Not to mention you always sided with me and made fun of him. That’s why you’re cool. Another thing I have always loved about you and your husband is how long you’ve been together. You were the only person for one another, and when I look at y’all, I see real, genuine love. You’re so cute and playful with one another, and you’ve been by each other’s side since you were fifteen. I thought I was going to have that same type of love story with your son, since we started dating at fifteen too, but I guess some things just aren’t meant to me. Regardless, I will always love him and the rest of your family (yes that includes grandparents) with every fiber of my being.

To the sister and brother I never had: you guys are the best. I freak myself out so much sometimes when I realize that one of you was in third grade when I met you and the other was like six years old. Now one of you is about to graduate high school, and the other is about to enter high school. I have literally watched you grow up, and it’s been awesome. I’ve witnessed both of you go through all the big and small parts of getting older, and you’ve turned out wonderfully. Abb, you are so beautiful and so smart. I know you’re going to do amazing things one day. You love God, and you have a kind heart. You’ve changed a ton over the years, but I love you to death, and I’ve always thought of you as a good friend and a sister. I will never not think of you that way, even if I were to go the rest of my life without speaking to you. I hope you were able to see me as a friend as well, despite the age difference. Gabe, the very first memory I have of you is one where you threw acorns at us while we were jumping on the trampoline. I knew at that moment that you were going to be a pest ;) (albeit a lovable one). You’re the one I got to mess around and play-fight with. I like to think that even though you always liked being “mean” to me, that you still loved me. You’re like the cute, little brother I always wanted. Never quit playing sports – it’s your passion, and one day you might be a famous baseball player, and I can get your autograph. You’re so competitive, and I love it, because I am too. I’ll never forget all the time we spent playing games – Headbands, Taboo, whatever. My favorite was the time we decided to play Monopoly in teams against one another. You’re polite too. You used to always want to get a plate or cup for me out of the cabinet, and you made some bomb chocolate pie for me. So, thanks for all the memories you two have given me. Being an only child is sometimes hard, so thank you for being my faux siblings. I love you guys so, so much, even if I don’t really get to see you anymore. Know that I am always thinking of y’all and cheering you on. No matter how near or how far, I will always be here for y’all if you ever need me.

Now, I have no idea if any of y’all will ever even read this, but it is comforting to me to know that I have finally learned to put my heart on my sleeve. It also comforts me that your son and I are on good terms, even though we’re not where I would like us to be. I had dreamed to one day be a part of this family – by legal definition – but that doesn’t matter anymore, because y’all gave me everything I could have ever wanted in a second family during the time we had, and I know no way of repaying so much kindness other than saying “Thank you.” I hope that even though I’m no longer around we will always keep in touch, and I hope that you all will still love me just as I continue to love you. Continue living your lives and doing great things. In the meantime, thanks for the memories.

-SI