I hate that you entered my life; so suddenly but also so gradually ever since I was little that I didn't even recognize you.

I think about the fact that you'll always be with me. For the rest of my life, you'll be a part of who I am. Attached to my name even when I get married one day.

Sometimes you accompany me in the night when I'm alone and vulnerable. You sweep over me like the bed sheets but over my head, over the mouth and nose I use to breathe.

There are moments where you completely control me, where you are the monster under my bed, the bad dream that still continues to play even when I wake. You used to constantly win. You don't anymore....I wonder how that must feel to you. To know you are not as powerful as everyone thinks you are. Sure, sometimes you win my days but you don't win months like you used to.

I know when you are coming now.

Depression, I know when you arrive and my mind loves to tell me that I want you here. That I crave having you here, that I love you, that I need you and want to feel alone with you. I know when the lights are all off in my room, the TV is no longer on and the only noise is coming from the soft notes of a piano from my laptop and my cries that you have arrived. Sometimes, I'll let you stay but not forever. The next day...I know I need to let you go.

Anxiety, I know when you approach. I know when my mind begins to pile up with worries and I don't let them out that at some point I'll snap like a rubber band and the air inside me will no longer reach the surface. The thing is, now, I know I'll be okay when I can breathe again after a couple minutes...because you...anxiety can not control me.

I know you'll both be with me until my dying day. There will never be a day where you are completely gone from me and I have had to learn to accept that.

But I also wanted to thank you. I have learned you are both so common, that you are attached to thousands of people like me. That I am not alone.

No matter the days, months, or years I have with you....I will never let you win. You'll be here, but I'll always win. I'll make sure of that.

Love,