Last month would have been your 19^th birthday.

This month marks 4 years since your tragic passing.

Junior High ignited the beginning of our friendship. Our sisterhood. I remember going to the boardwalk, having sleep overs, watching Teen Wolf, talking about boys and talking about our future plans like we had a clue. I remember going to the Stone Harbor beach at night with you and our friends and we saw a huge spotlight in the distance. We knew we weren’t allowed on the beach this late at night; thinking it was a cop and being young and dumb, we high-tailed it back to town. I remember looking back as we were running and watched you trip in the sand. Everything was in slow-motion. From there, we all hit the ground laughing so hard our stomachs hurt with tears streamed down our faces. You were the life of the party and could brighten even a complete stranger’s mood. Through all the ups and downs we faced, we conquered them hand in hand.

We were small town Jersey girls with big, global goals and nothing could stop us or get in our way, especially a hole in the sand.

July 7^th, 2012 around 11pm, I received a call from a girl I went to high school with at the time. I was confused as to why she was calling me, especially at 11pm.

“Nioami’s dead.”

I was half awake and didn’t comprehend or believe what I was told. I asked how she knew as she explained that she worked with Nioami’s mother and overheard what was going on. I hung up and called my friend who I knew had a police scanner and told her to turn it on. I then called two other friends that were vacationing in the Poconos to inform them that something happened and I will let them know further details as I obtain them. I went downstairs and sat on the steps to our living room. My friend with the police scanner returned my call, sobbing.

“Nioami’s dead”

I let out a gut wrenching scream as I dropped the phone and immediately felt like I was going to throw up. This cant be happening… A few minutes later I muscled enough strength to pick up the phone and call my two friends in the Poconos. They both screamed and cried asking what happened and why. I didn’t know the answers to those questions. At that moment, I didn’t want to. All I knew was my best friend was dead.

The next morning, I found out it was a drunk driver that took my friend and her cousin’s lives. Two teenage girls. We were just two small town Jersey girls with big global goals… Nothing should have been able to stand in our way… A reckless decision made by a complete stranger took the life of my best friend. This man had the opportunity to drink and drive, separately. Nioami couldn’t even have her first sip of alcohol. She never even had her driver's permit.

They say time heals all. Unfortunately, time waits for no one. Every day that went by was pure agony. I was mad at the world for months. For years, I would randomly have half second flashbacks from a third person point of view of me sitting on my living room steps screaming when her death was confirmed, like it was some sick horror movie. Still to this day I sometimes cry myself to sleep when I think about what happened - four years later. The only thing time gives you is moments of:

Was there something I could have done to prevent this?

I wonder what you would think about (insert life situation).

I hope I’m making you proud.

I wish you were here…

I always wonder how life would be different if you were still around. Time heals physical scars. But no matter how much time passes, the emotional and mental wounds never scar over. You just learn to live with them, cover them up. You learn that life and time waits for no one, you have to pick yourself up and mourn on the go. The worst part about death is what dies in the living. Some times are better than others, and you may never know if you’re truly moved on from a situation like this if moving on from a situation like this is even possible. Clearly, I still have some work to do if two sentences into this article I had to step away and sob. The only thing I can do is look back on the good times we’ve had and hope that I’m making you proud up there.

I love you so much, Babygirl.

Someday we will meet again.