Hi, I miss you.

I still miss you every day. It's crazy that today marks the 10 years since you left this world. I hope you're no longer in pain. I hope there's plenty of coffee ice cream and Elvis music up there. This is so hard, wow. You would think after ten years I would stop crying, but the tears never really stopped. I don't think they ever will.

You would think after all this time I would start to forget things about you, things you said, things we did together, moments we shared, but I still remember everything perfectly. How strange is that -- how in certain situations you just can't seem to forget?

I still remember how your condo looked. I remember how to drive there, I remember the number too. I remember how at Christmas time we would put up your fake tree and play Christmas music. You wouldn't buy many decorations because instead you had me draw and color pictures and you would tape them all around the place. Do you remember that? Because I do.

I still remember when you would sit on the couch with Grandma and watch "Law and Order." I would come up and sit between you two and you would tickle my arm because I loved how it felt. Grandma would make jokes about how you loved me more and pretend to get jealous, but I know how much you loved and still love her. I can still hear you telling me, "Have happy dreams!" as I went downstairs to go to bed.

I bet you didn't know how much I still love having my arm tickled. It's my favorite thing. 10 years later and I'm asking my boyfriend to tickle my arm every day because I love it so much. I hope you remember those nights. Because I do, I doubt I'll ever forget them.

I remember all the things you said and did. We would always go to get coffee frappes at Peaceful Meadows, and you would have to take a sip of mine too to make sure it "wasn't poisoned."

In the mornings, I would run downstairs to your bed and jump in between you and grandma and read you a story because you told me how much you liked it.

I remember you telling me that you were the only boy I could ever love because "boys stink and they'll hurt you." I wish I took that advice growing up; I wish you were here to meet some important guys in my life, though. Growing up with you here would have been so fun. God, I wish you were here. I can imagine you on my prom day. I bet you would have tried to be my date.

I know you told me you always wanted to be at my proms, to dance with me. I will never forget the time in the hospital room that you told me you would be dancing with me at my wedding. There is no doubt in my mind that you will still be there with me when that day comes.

There is so much that I wish you could have been here for, to see me growing up. Have I made you proud? I've tried to. I hope I have.

I miss you. 10 years ago today you left us and it hasn't gotten easier.

I love you and can't wait to see you again.

Love,
Nicole