I feel like I've had these relationships throughout my young adult life that aren't really relationships at all, but are instead, something that skims the line between boyfriend and exclusivity.

Ever since I began this semester, I've been trying to think of ways to enjoy being independent without a significant other, and it's a lot harder than I originally had thought. I don't necessarily want to depend on someone else for my happiness, because it makes things complicated when that person goes away. However, sometimes, it is actually easier to just have another person that creates joy in your life.

But all those ideas completely fell apart. After a certain amount of time, I came to the realization that I no longer had an "almost boyfriend" anymore; you know, it's that person who you think you're close with, but in reality, they're not really thinking the same way as you. This has happened to me on numerous occasions, but the most recent one has taught me something that I will never forget, which is not to repeat the same mistakes over and over with the expectation of a different result (apparently, that's the real definition of insanity).

That 'almost' boyfriend never really amount to much, besides some tense exchanges back and forth and occasionally reconciliation, but none of this constituted an actual relationship. In fact, quite the opposite. A real relationship is never an almost one; it's either all or nothing. There is no in between and there are no excuses being made on behalf of the other party for why they aren't fully committed. Sure, there might be a period of exclusivity, but don't be fooled, its not authentic.

Of course, I am specifically writing about these matters for college students. Carrying on the tradition of justification in the name of agreement is something that's actually pretty useful for more mature relationships down the road, like marriage. But for now, it doesn't really work that way. Now is the time to be a little selfish in the name of personal happiness.

The idea of getting rid of these notions of pseudo-commitment are important. But all the while, there has to be something said about all of the 'almost' boyfriends floating around out there. I sometimes wonder if they get together once a week for drinks to talk about me, saying things like "yeah, that girl is a fucking psycho. Good thing we didn't actually date her."

I know this a pretty unrealistic interpretation of how all of my almost boyfriends have felt about me, but in truth, this is the way that I was conditioned to feel. The lack of commitment was what drove me to insanity in most cases. The desire to feel good on my own, without the support of someone else, was so intense that commitment from another person appeared to be the most potent remedy.

I used to think that these ideas were acceptable; I used to believe that exclusivity automatically would lead to something more than just an almost boyfriend. I used to think that it meant I could engage in conversations about things that pertain to actual couples. Some guys do this on purpose, and they are called fuckboys. Some women do this on purpose, and they are called sluts. Some guys do this because they don't know differently, and they are not men, they are boys. Some women do this out of habit and they're still sluts. I used to think that these ideas were acceptable; I used to think that labeling another person with a mean name somehow justified their inability to pull through. I used to justify these almost boyfriends because it made the prospect of getting hurt seem dimmer and ineffective within my personal situation. The lesson I had to learn from getting burnt by these people was hard to accept. In the end, I had to realize, after all of these almost boyfriends, that it is unacceptable to justify the actions of another person to force some kind of agreement.

So here's to all the almost boyfriends I've had. You've taught me through the years that, at the end of the day, I have to believe in myself to believe in love. Almost boyfriends: you are the real MVPs, the keys that has unlocked so many doors, and the best/worst thing that I've put up with as a woman on the 21st century college campus.

A round of applause to you all. Without these almost boyfriends, I don't think I would have ever learned that personal happiness, the kind that you achieve on your own, is much more valuable than the kind that you can almost get from someone else. To be happy on my own is the remedy, not an almost commitment from an almost boyfriend.