To the first boy I ever loved,
I know it's crazy to think that we are where we are right now, but it's definitely for the best. I learned so much after spending a year-and-a-half by your side, but most importantly, you taught me how to love myself before anybody else. I never thought I would be okay with not having you in my life, but it is easier now to realize that we just weren't right together.
The most important thing I need to thank you for is constantly supporting me no matter what. Without you, I probably wouldn't be in the position I am now. You were always there to support my ever-changing ideas about my major, college, and what restaurant I wanted to get dinner at. You were my shoulder to lean and cry on, but mostly cry. And with you, it was the first time I ever felt truly loved. Before I met you, I never thought somebody would look at me with such respect and love, but you gave that to me and, for that, I am forever grateful. I know we aren't together anymore, but I will always remember how much better you made me feel about myself. Even though I didn't tell you any of these things when we were together, they are all completely true.
When it comes down to it, even through all the good, we were toxic. I think I just loved you too much, and that's not something you were ready to have in your life. I know I made it hard to walk away, but you did the same too. You truly believed it was okay to put me on the back burner until you were bored of the "single life," and I'm okay with that now. You may have never apologized, and we may not be able to look at each other the same ever again, but I hope you know that I will always find a place for you in my heart. All bad things aside, just know that I will always be there for you no matter what the situation is because, besides being an amazing boyfriend, you will always be one of my closest friends.
I know for a fact that one day you will find a girl who makes you so happy, and as much as I wish we were better for each other, we just weren't. As long as it's been, I still don't enjoy thinking about you loving somebody else, but I know you deserve it as much as the next person. You're amazing in so many different ways, and someday in the future you are going to find somebody that you love more than anybody in the entire world. and I will be so happy for you.
The thing that matters the most is that I'm okay now. I don't think about texting you every time I come home from a party, and I don't feel guilty when another guy compliments me like I did for so long. I don't tear up when I think about our pictures we have together, and I can look at all your T-shirts I have without feeling sad. The most important part of our relationship is now, the moment where we both don't need each other anymore. It may have taken me longer than it took you, but just know we are both finally there.
Without our experience, I wouldn't know half the things I know now, like how to determine which model Jeep is driving in front of me or the lyrics to a bunch of songs that I had never even heard of. I'm never going to forget about all that we went through and did together, but that's normal. Nobody can ever truly forget the first person they gave absolutely everything to, and that's pretty clear in this situation. Hopefully, one day we can talk about all the things we did together over a cup of coffee and be okay with the way things worked out, but for now I just want to give a final thank you for all you have done and helped me through, thank you so much for teaching me to love myself more then any boy ever could.
