Dear Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder,

You are the worst best friend ever. You never leave me alone, you always find your way into my conversations and my thoughts, but above all, you know everything about me. Literally... Everything. In fact, you are the reason that I am who I am and I do what I do. You know what makes me tick, how to get me upset, and that I don't always know what's best for me. You add so much color to my life, it makes me feel like a total weirdo. Over my years of school, I made and lost friends left and right because you came on a little too strong. Thankfully, there are people out there who support me and all the weirdness and energy that comes with me.

You don't know what I'm talking about do you? Ugh... of course you don't; whenever I read about you, it seems that you disappear for a while. That's probably because I want to know how to better explain you to people and know how you affect me every single day . How may you ask? No need to be so oppositional . Let me spell it out for you.

First off, I fidget ALL THE TIME. I've been fidgeting since I figured out how to control my limbs. I can rarely sit still for longer than an hour. When I was little, you'd cause me to run up and down the aisle at the movies because I had so much energy. Ever since I could remember, I've bounced my leg when I'm sitting without even meaning to. In other words, I always feel restless. I need to be doing something whether it's productive or not. Not to mention, I can't go back to sleep once I see that the sun is up. It's as if the sun is your spotlight, and once you see it, you HAVE to roll into action. And I HATE standing in lines. Standing in lines makes me so uncomfortable. Why? Because if I see something from afar, the urge to jump out of line is usually very, very strong, thanks to you. It's honestly kind of ironic because you make me so impatient, yet you are always testingmy patience.

Because of you, I cannot shut up. In case you haven't noticed, I have a very bad habit of cutting people off in the middle of their stories because I make a personal connection or just think of something random that I want to say. I know it's not right. You and my brain have a pretty tight relationship, so why do you still cause me do this? I also have a tendency to get angry and defensive too quickly. I snap at people without meaning to, especially those I love. Just because no one loves you doesn't mean you need to take it out on those that love me. Though I have to admit, it's gotten progressively better... but it's still not okay.

You and my brain go on the wildest of adventures, I swear. I'm not talking about our daydreams. I'm talking about literally losing the train of thought altogether, completely tuning everything and everyone around me out; I mean hopping on a completely different train that you're conducting without a map or navigation system. My thoughts run wild and I can't seem to snap myself back into reality.

In other words, because of you, focusing is a day-to-day battle. I can't follow directions very well because you jump around and just pick out words that you think make sense to put together. I forget to do things even when I continually remind myself that they need to be done. I put things first that really shouldn't be first. For instance: I should be studying for a psychology exam. But you wanted to be the star of this week's article, so we had to focus on this before the academic train left the station, right? Sadly, that's not even the best example of how much you cause me to be distracted.

Since I am constantly distracted, you made learning EXTREMELY tasking. Nothing I did or tried to do really came naturally to me until high school. I never really tried to do well in elementary school; I thought going school was just something that I had to do because my parents made me. I never enjoyed school when I was little. Now, I guess you've kind of laid off, since I enjoyed high school and am now trying to get a feel for college. I feel that you're making a bit of a come back now that we're in college together, but since I've taken you down once, I think I can do it again.

Often times, I appear to not be listening to others, even when I'm being directly spoken to, simply because there are thousands of other stimuli around me, and I can't help but let my eyes dart around.

Because of you, I act and I speak without thinking. This is something that I have conquered over time, so HA! You cannot control what rolls off of my tongue or what I do anymore (or at least, most of the time).

In fact, you make it difficult to even write this letter.

Or any article, for that matter.

I have difficulty finishing things that I start (hence the 25 different articles without any content in my writing dashboard).

Because of you, I can swing from angry to excited to sad to elated in the course of one hour. You make it hard for me to remember things, like why I'm happy or sad or angry. When someone asks me what's up or what's wrong, I often times can't answer them with a straight forward answer because *insert you here* I start tripping over all of my words and can't think straight.

And in case it wasn't obvious, you make my mind crazy. My thoughts are rarely in any particular order. That's why rough-drafting is a good friend of ours.

The good thing about you? You don't make things impossible.

Dad always tells me stories about how when he was a kid he had to control his own ADHD. He tells me about how he wasn't always the best or brightest kid, but that he somehow made it work for him. In a sense, you are what makes some "bad" kids bad. In another sense, you're what drives my dad to encourage me to be the best I can be.

Because of your constant lingering (and Dad and Mom), I have pushed myself above and beyond what normal ADHD patients render themselves capable. I've channeled all of the extra energy you give me into my school work and into my hobbies. I accomplished so much in high school as an executive member in clubs, honor roll student, and team captain, thanks to you and your statistics driving me to be better than just a number. Now, I am in college. In short, I am a successful person thanks to you.

Thanks to you, I know my self-worth. I know that I'm not what many people label kids with ADHD as: lazy, bad, dumb, or hopeless. Thanks to having someone in my life with ADHD, I know how to better control you and know what to think of you. While you're not my best asset or what defines me, you are a big part of my life. Thankfully, I know how you make me great and how you make me overwhelming to others. Regardless, I know that I am more than a statistic, that I defy stereotypes, and that I am pretty awesome.

Thanks to you, I am an extrovert and have lots of people who know me and who aren't afraid to talk to me.

Thanks to you, I'm more adventurous than most people: I'm not afraid to try new things and look for any opportunity that can take me to new places.

Thanks to you, I know better how to self-discipline. This doesn't necessarily mean we learn the first time something goes wrong. But I am more aware of how and when I absolutely need to control you.

My biggest feat to date? Not using you as a crutch. Sure, as AWOLNATION says, "blame it on my ADD, baby." but yet, you've never been to blame when it's come to my academics. I've never looked to you as the reason I suck at math. You're not the reason I do poorly on some things. I know that is purely my fault because I procrastinate. However, when I get a bad grade, you tend to step in and tell me how it is: buckling down is what has made us the dream team for the past fifteen years, and that is not about to end.

You also help me to be more creative than I'd be otherwise. We like to work outside the box and think of new ways to do things. Not only that, but we are definitely a "jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none" kind of duo. We have had our hands in all kinds of things and we're never afraid to try something new.

We've been inseparable since I was three. And even though I often consider you as one of my worst enemies, you are a pretty great thing. You're not the result of bad parenting (let's face it, my parents' gray hair is the glorious result of me and you and our inseparable bond). You're just a lifelong obstacle that I tango with on the daily. We've accomplished some pretty rad things since I learned more about you. Like I said, you're not the best thing about me. But thanks to you, I'm more me than anyone else could ever be.

Thanks for always being there whether I wanted you to be or not.

Much love,

Your person