Today, I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologized, or because you acknowledged the pain that you caused me, but because my soul deserves peace.
Dear you,
You don’t even know the impact you had on my life. Between the times spent staying up all hours of the night talking nonsense, to the rumors you chose to believe over me. You taught me not to settle for anything less than the best. From you I was shown what truly made me happy. You pushed me out of my comfort zone, and in doing so, pushed me further from you. Some days we made perfect sense, and other days we were fire and gasoline. You didn’t have the energy to fight for me, and at the time that killed me. Now I know that I’m worth fighting for. I don’t need to constantly go looking for your attention or approval. I know someone is going to love me for exactly who I am and I won’t have to go out of my way to please them. I don’t have to show them I care about them with gifts like I did with you. I don’t have to remind myself that I deserve better because I finally know I do.
I cared about you more than I think you will ever know, and honestly, more than you deserved. I spoiled you, and in the midst of all of that I lost sight of what really matters. I lost friends because you didn’t like me hanging out with certain people. I stopped going out because you didn’t like me to. I spent all of my free time at your place waiting around for you. I’ve finally begun to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The first sight of freedom from you and your selfish ways.
You blamed all of our problems on me, and while some of them were my fault; it was a two way street. I was not the sole cause of the issues we had. I gave you everything I had to offer and I still believe it will never be enough for you. The countless hours I stayed up talking to you, the effort I wasted trying to prove to you I was worth it, the walls I built up to show you I was telling you the truth. All of these things were never enough for you. You were suffering and I tried to help you, but you can’t help someone who won’t let you in.
You showed me how it felt to be shunned. You turned people against me. You shut me out for what is still an unknown reason to me. I offered to completely rearrange my life for you, but you constantly declined and made up some reasons that made it sound like it was benefiting me to stay with you, and I fell for it every time. Now is the time where I can finally look back and see the harm that you caused me. You will never admit to hurting me as much as you did, and that’s okay. If we never speak again I need you to know I’m thankful for you. I’m thankful for all of the time and laughter we shared with each other, for being such a big part of each other’s lives, but most of all, I’m thankful I got away.
Love,
Me
