I write this letter to my 12-year-old self back in 2006, to this exact month. I write this letter because it was the hardest time in my life. It was a game changer that took my life to a whole new level. My grandmother died. She lived with my mother and I, and since my mother was so busy with work, it was my job to take care of my dying grandmother. For a 12-year-old homeschooled girl, it was hard. Hell, for any 12-year-old, that would be hard. My grandmother was the one who mainly took care of me; she cooked, cleaned, and she was also my teacher, and now I was the one taking care of her.
Dear 12-year-old self,
You are about to go through a whirlwind. You've been spending your days watching your “Granny" die. The worst part is that this isn't the first time you have had to watch someone you love die... but this time you fully understand what is happening.
It's your job to talk to nurses and explain to doctors what is happening at home daily and also explain it all to your mother, while you don't really understand all that medical mumbo-jumbo yourself. Once your grandmother dies things are going to be different. You might have to remind your mom to do things and you are going to be doing even more growing up than you ever thought possible. Momma is still a great mom, she's just a little lost right now and so are you...
You're going to move across the country soon –– from Pennsylvania to California –– and you're not going to know anyone. You're going to see stuff you've never seen before and do things you thought only happen in movies. As exciting as it is, you've left everything you know back “home" and I am here to tell you that, although you believe that one day, when you go back to Pennsylvania, it will be just as you left it–– it wont.
You've become so good at doing adult things that you and everyone else has forgotten that they are talking to a kid. Everyone will be looking to you for adult answers, but you may not always have them. You need to take your time and just be 12 sometimes. Although, this maturity will help you greatly later on in life, you still need to take a breather every now and then.
For a long time after the death, the move, and then the move back home, you will be asking yourself “Why me?" you will want to know why so many adults thought it was okay to look to you for the answers. As much pain as you think this has caused you, it will all be worth it when you reach the real “adult world." These events will put you on course to become the woman you one day will become.
In the end, you have come out stronger. 2006 was a year of big losses and new adventures. You become closer to your mother; she becomes your best friend and you become hers. She goes through a lot of hurt and confusion while you go through it with her. Give her some extra love because she just lost her oldest pal.
Sincerely,
your 21-year-old self
This letter is written with nothing but gratefulness. I am now thankful for everything that I have been through. It has made me into a very strong woman who knows exactly where I want to be.
