Losing a parent has been by far the most traumatic experience of my entire life. It is a type of pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It is a type of pain that rips you to the core. The death of a parent is also the death of who you once were. You end up not only mourning the loss of your parent, but yourself. Part of you dies. The person you have built for years is no longer here. Part of you is with that missing parent. It is something that is hard to explain through words, but it is easily felt by hearts. Hearts of fellow children who are wishing away the pain and just wishing for one more day.
My journey has been one that is unexpected. I have experienced a lot of unexpected moments, feelings, and events. I lost a lot of things at once, and I have still been picking up the pieces. Sometimes I picked up those pieces, one by one, by myself. At other times, I've picked up the pieces with the people I love the most.
It has been almost three years since I last saw my dad, and within those three years, I have grown. I have grown, even when I did not want to. I have grown through the tears and the struggles. I have grown, even when I didn't see it myself.
It will be the hardest in the beginning, where you have to choke back tears when people consolidate you. It will be the hardest when you have to hear someone say, "My grandma died, so I know how you feel." These are some of the hardest moments, but the harshest slaps of reality come when you are alone.
I could not listen to music for a few weeks after my father died, in fear of hearing one of our songs. I refused to eat at the restaurants we used to go to. I was alone with these thoughts that ran through my mind.
Most surprisingly, I have never wanted pity. I did not want sad letters or outrageous bouquets of flowers. While all of these methods are so meaningful, they are not what a person needs when they are mourning the loss of a parent. They need you. A long hug, holding hands, a simple meal. Minimal words, but fully felt with the heart.
Death is an inevitable part of life. Death will turn your life upside down, but perseverance is possible. Do not give up faith, do not think you are alone.
I know the very best parts of me are up in heaven, but I'm working on rebuilding these parts.
To everyone who has ever lost a parent at a young age, even if we do not know each other, we share a bond. A bond that is built on strength and faith.
"Remembering you is easy, I do it everyday. Missing you is a heartache that never goes away."
In Loving Memory -- SLB, 10.05.1960
