Dear Grandma,
Nobody thinks it's your fault. Except you. We all love you, just as much as we always have. But I know it's been hard. I know you're used to being everyone's caretaker, and you still want to be. I know how badly you want to get out of your own mind and body and back into the world it was 10 or 20 years ago. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I can't do more to fix things, I'm sorry I can't give you your clarity back, your memories, your health. You've taken care of me my whole life, and what I can give you is all the love and kindness you've shown me for 18 years, and demonstrated to others for many years before that.
I remember when I was little you were (and still are) my partner in crime, always. Mother didn't need to know. You made me feel like a princess every day. We went on so many adventures, mainly at the mall. You rode the little train with me, and we waved at everyone walking by. We shopped and then window shopped until we couldn't anymore and then got ice cream from McDonald's. You always ate yours so much faster than I could. I remember going to the movie theater with you and laughing and sharing popcorn and you always snuck in apple slices, thereby teaching me that the two make an excellent snacking pair. The zoo and museum were some of my favorite adventures with you. I was afraid the butterflies at the museum would land on me, with their spindly legs and black prickly antennae. Yet you showed me, that like in all creatures, beauty and color exist, and they wouldn't hurt me if I only let them exist. When we got home from our adventures you would tell me stories of your own. Of children you worked with in pediatric nursing, of meeting Grandpa, of my Great Grandparents, what it was like raising four adopted children. I will never forget those conversations. Those moments. Sitting on your lap as you read me stories and watching Grandpa cook because our real expertise was more in judging the flavor. Pretending to be artists by coloring outside the lines of my Winnie the Pooh coloring book. I didn't know it at the time, but every adventure was a lesson. Every second spent with you was years of life lessons I could never learn in school.
Now we face different adventures. We face getting up in the morning. We moved you and Grandpa to an Assisted Living. We face serious health problems. We face memory loss. We face anger and sadness. We face a LOT. Everyday. But not alone Grandma. None of this is anything you will ever have to face alone. We will still have our adventures. We will always go to Bakers Square when you want a grilled cheese. We will always watch Packer games together. We will laugh together, and smile together, and be together no matter what or where or how. We will always be We. Even now you teach me faith and perseverance. The strength and grace you carry yourself with, and the love you have for your family will always inspire me. I don't care if you don't remember everything. Neither do I. You know who I am, and I know who you are. You are my Grandma, my hero, my inspiration, my partner in crime, my best friend, my teacher, and I will always love you.
Love,
Your grandaughter, Grace Ann
