The way kids are these days, and the way they experience things and how much they struggle with taking chances and risks, I am honestly quite horrified at the thought of bringing a child of mine into this world one day. There are terrible people and things in this life that have never been easy to get around. With that in mind, I wanted to put together something for my future child, something that they can take in with the perspective on life that I have been grateful enough to obtain today.
The first thing that I have to say to you, my future child, is do not let anyone think that you are anything less then what you are. Also, always know that you can be honest with me in anything and everything that you may do.
If you think that you cannot come to me with things because I am your mother, that you cannot tell me when you try new things or live recklessly because you believe I would not understand, know now that I will not be that type of mother. I would rather you tell me and let me in on the things you are experiencing in your life for, when those things go south, I can be there for you.
So many children try to hide things from their parents and have to deal with them on their own. Regardless of that being a result of all-around stubbornness, I personally would want to let my mother know everything I am going through because an open relationship is better then one where you feel suffocated in your own home.
Example one: I would rather you tell me when you smoke your first cigarette. I would rather that be something that we talk about, so do not think that I will be disappointed in you. If you want to smoke, then smoke. I will be here if you want to finally quit because you realized on your own that it is bad for you. I will not discipline you for trying new things that you do not understand, but I will give you my insight on the matter from my own past experiences.
You are growing in a world where there are constantly new things coming out, and the way this generation is, we want new and better things and to try everything that we do not understand. We look to the possibilities of the future because we are ever changing and ever growing, as you will do the same.
Example two: Honestly, I want the first person that you smoke weed with to be me. Mainly because I know you are going to do it one day anyway, so when the time comes and you start questioning things like that, please, come to me first. I do not want you to think that it is something I would disown you for like most parents, because the way kids are these days, even if I tell you no, even if I throw you out, you are going to do it anyways.
What scares me is when you do finally experience it, maybe it will be with a stranger who could take advantage of you, maybe with someone who laced it, or maybe you will be uncomfortable and have a bad trip. I want you to be with me because in all of these new things that you are going to have to grow up around, which is out of my control, the best thing that I can do is let you know that I am here for you and I am willing to go through the experiences with you.
Example three: Just because I gave birth to you does not mean that your body is mine to control. You are your own individual and what you choose to do with yourself and with whom is beyond my power. However, you are going to be special and as I want you to keep yourself for someone of equal value, we all accept the love we believe we deserve, which is something you can only learn for yourself in time. As long as you know your own worth as a person and a capable young individual, that is all that I could ask for of you.
Through life, I want to be your best friend. I want to be capable of going through life with you on a level where I can give you my level-headed opinions, as not only a person, but a friend, on what I would do if I were in your shoes. This way you don't see me as telling you not what may be right to do because I am your mother and I'm telling you so. Forcing my views on you in a world that will teach you that you are free to make your own choices will make you hate me, therefore I choose to let you learn for yourself. I will take care of you in the best way I can, but in the end nothing will stop you from making your own decisions.
By the way, do not worry about your father. Whoever your father may be, he will have the same perspective as me because I will not bring you into this world without someone who is willing take the time to not only raise but understand you the way that I wish to, of which is, freely.
I want you to experience the world as it is ever changing, because so are you.
I want you to know that no matter what you try or what you do, I will try to give you my guidance the best way that I can. As I am aware that I cannot make your life decisions for you, I can at least guide you and help you understand the choices you have made. I will be learning and understanding through you that things do not always go the way we planned, and you are going to be your own unique individual no matter what I do. I would rather parent you in a way where you want me around in your life, rather then over parent to the point where you want nothing to do with me and I miss out on the life that I chose to give you.
My fear is you growing irritated with me, because as you will grow around me learning to live without limits, me holding you back will cause a rift in our relationship. You will reach an age where, me believing that I know what is best for you will not be the best thing for you because you need to decide what is best for yourself.
The real disappointment between parent and child comes from being a hypocrite. We tell our children to reach for the stars, but once they are on their way, we hold them back out of fear. As we want to teach our children to live, parents need to learn when letting go could be the same as coming down to a level where they realize this is not your baby anymore. Parents must come to learn that your child is now an adult who may still need you to be there, but can move without holding your hand any longer -- they only need you to watch from afar.
I want you to know I will be here for you, and my method of parenting will be to guide you with perspective as I will only hold perspective over you.
As a parent, I would feel that the only thing I can really control is when you do things and partially who you do them with. I want to be that friend that you do all of those things with, and I want to be that friend that understands your views in life. I want to be your shoulder to cry on when your heart is broken, the person you want to gossip to about terrible friends and good sex, the person you want to drink with on the weekdays, because who knows the kind of people out there that will take advantage of the fragile soul that you have. But as I am understanding to you, I want to be this way in hopes that that is the kind of person you grow to be. Understanding and charismatic is all that I could ask you to be as an individual making their own decisions and going through their own experiences in life.
Overall, do not cut me out. Always know that I will never think badly of you when you wish to go out and be rebellious because you are my child (and I know where you got it from).
The only way you will know how to live is by watching me live, as you will watch others live around you. You will grow up hearing the stories of my past, as people will have new stories as they experience things and I want you to have your own stories. But never do I want to hear the words slip from your lips, either to me or to a friend, that you hate me, or that I do not understand you, or that you cannot tell me something or ask me for something, because even though I am your mother, I did not lose the understanding part of me the day I came to hold that title. I am still my own person, and I will look at you the same way I do everyone else. You will simply be more spoiled with my love then the rest.
I want you to kill people with kindness, be the fire burning in the wild, watch the stars and be the most savage lost boy there is, because the world is a terrible place, and I know you will be capable of making the most of it because you are my kid and I will see to it that you are capable of anything and that you will know your own worth. Know your own worth to the extent that no matter what someone may say or do to you, your heart will be made of steel, and you are so independent that nothing can break you -- no one can break you.
I want you to be the wisest child of your generation.
Do not let anyone use you for your kindness. I will do my best to show you the wrong kind of people in this world, because people will be attracted to how strong-willed you are. This will also make you a lot of enemies, but I hope to raise you in a way where that will not matter to you.
I cannot wait to see what you will become.
