Dear Mom,
I am so sorry I haven't spoken to you in a while. I always thought that our relationship was just there. I took it for granted, but not anymore. I remember what it was like when I was 6 years old, and everything seemed so perfect. I was your little girl; I was too terrified to do anything wrong, so instead I did nothing at all. I idolized my older siblings, just like I idolized you. But then I grew up, and I started fighting with you. Said things behind your back and eventually to your face. I remember the first and only time I ever said "I hate you, Mom," your heart broke. I was 16, and you were mad and upset; whatever I had done wasn't even the problem. I look back on those days and wondered why I said that to you, but never Dad. How was it possible to say those three heart-crushing words to only one parent? I am sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I never wanted to make you cry. I said words I didn't mean and so much more that I am trying so hard to make up for. But now, when I'm 1,796 miles away, it's a little hard to recover the time we've lost. I remember my trip out there, March of 2014; it was amazing. We went shopping, did some hiking, dog sledding, movie nights, and did some photography.
Mom, I miss you, and I wish we had that relationship in high school where I could go to you for everything, whether it was boys or some sort of girl drama. I wish I could do it over. But here I am, 21 years old, writing this letter to you. I'm realizing that I can't change the past and I can't know our future; all I can do is work on being the best daughter I possibly can. I want to send you messages randomly saying I excelled at something new or got an A in one of my classes. I want to start saving up and plan trips just to cross a new state off my bucket list and spend it with someone who cares. I want to make you proud, and I don't want to waste another day thinking of all the things I could have done. I know part of making you proud is being close to my siblings, and I will promise that to you and try my hardest. I may not be your little girl at the age of 6, but I am your little girl in her 20's and your friend. Someday I will have my own family and will try to be the best mom I can, just like you. Someday you'll have grandchildren and when I see you smile, I know I will have made you proud once more.
I love and miss you,
Forever your little girl
