First of all, I love you. You need to know that you matter to someone, me. This illness lies to you and tells you that you’re nothing, that you can leave and it won’t cause any harm. That’s bullshit, it will cause harm and you need to run away from the lies depression shouts.
This moment is only one small one in your long life, and it will pass. I know it will. I hate when people tell me that when I’m at my worst but you know what, it’s true. I saw some sunshine today for the first time in four days. You’ll see it soon too. Just keeping moving forward. You’re going to get through it. It’s annoying when people tell me that. But it’s true. Just push past it. Close your eyes and run through. The sunlight will appear again, and these feelings will subside.
But never forget, and this may sound corny, but don’t forget it. You have so much incredible value to God. He’s had his eye on you since you were a fetus, do you think he’s not watching over you now? God brings us to certain points in our life, not because we can’t handle them but because we’re strong enough to persevere, and where we aren’t, that’s where he wants us to trust him. So instead of concentrating on your shortcomings, try concentrating on God’s incredible strength and how he’s going to get you through it. Take the focus off of you and put it on God. That’s where it should be anyway. It ain’t about you. It’s about God’s power through you.
You’re a rock star; you’re so strong that today doesn’t stand a chance. So your depression has you thinking about killing yourself, you’re stronger than that. You’re worth more than that, to me and everyone else.
Fight. Run. Do whatever you have to do. But make sure you’re still here tomorrow. Because I know, it will get better. I’m proof of it. Two days ago I couldn’t imagine the world with me in it anymore. Now I’m sitting here surprised that was even a consideration in the first place. We change fast in this game. One minute we want to die, and we’re making a plan the next minute we’re annoyed we have to take our anti-depressants. Just close your eyes and grit your teeth today. Good things are on the way; I know it.
But if that’s not enough for you today, just never forget how much you mean to me. There isn’t enough space on this website to describe how much you matter, how significant you are. The world without you would only suck more than it already does.
So fight today dear friend. Let’s lean on each other and get through this. Nothing you’re feeling today is worth giving up your future. Don’t make a permanent decision based on temporary lies. You’re better than that.
I seriously love you. From the bottom of my depressed anxiety ridden heart. So please keep going, for me.