To my childhood bullies:
Hello. It's me.
It's been almost been nine years since I left. Nine years when my hell ended. Nine years finally having the opportunity to live the life I was meant to have. Even nine years later, at age 22, I can never forget those years no matter how hard I try.
You might not know you were a bully to me, but you were. I felt worthless, nothing, disgusting, hated and empty, to name a few. I cried, hoping that one day it would all end, but it never did. Five years it lasted, and it no matter how quiet I stayed, the screaming from my heart and soul was never good enough to make you hear the plea.
I didn't know I was pretty, or good at anything in life and for that matter knew my life was important. All from the actions done, I forgot that I was enough to have a life. Thousands of kids get bullied every day, and it still goes unseen. It doesn't make sense to me.
For five years, I was constantly reminded of the flaws I possess, the friends I didn't have, the self-confidence I lacked and self-esteem I wanted to gain. I thought I was nothing; I just existed. I was called every name in the book, had food thrown in my hair and when I pleaded for people to stop harassing me the word, "No," was ignored. It was worse when it was sexual harassment. I had a fake social media account made of me or weekly prank phone calls telling me to kill myself. To think, everyone thought it was OK. Bystanders did nothing and administration saw that it was all my fault.
And when I left that good-for-nothing town where everyone ends up for the rest of their life, I left. I left to make a better life for myself and dammit, I did that. I am still doing that. You thought I left because of the bullying. No, I left because I realized that I was a someone instead of a nothing. I left because I finally was given a chance to be myself. I left when I realized my life was just about to begin when I thought it should have ended.
Through it all, I have two words to say.
Thank you.
Thank you for allowing me to realize my worth as a person.
Thank you for showing me that I am the bigger person.
Thank you for demonstrating that I am worthy of a beautiful life.
Thank you for not saying sorry or recognizing that you were a bully.
I have one request for you as a conclude this letter. When and if you ever decide to have children, I hope you tell them the time in your life that you made someone feel so low in their life and existence that they would want to kill themselves or run away. When you made their life a living hell by calling names, making assumptions or physically attacking them just to be "cool." When words left marks you will never physically see or the aftermath those words caused.
I am so lucky enough to have made it out alive, but just remember that some of us weren't as lucky.
Sincerely,
Me
