A letter to the insignificant part of my past,

A bully is defined as [some]one who is habitually cruel to others who are weaker. ("The Definition of Bullying") Throughout my senior year, and throughout my whole life up to that point, I never considered myself weak in any way. In fact, I considered myself to be the opposite. I held my head high and my pride even higher. However, when it became clear that it was ten girls versus one, it didn’t really matter how strong or confident I was – the odds were stacked against me. Before I knew it, my senior year, a year that is supposed to be enjoyed with those closest to you, soon became a never ending cycle of cruelty.

Bullying. We often picture bullying as a cliché scenario, perhaps a freshman boy being shoved in a locker by a football player, or the quiet girl pushed down the hall by a group of elite girls. The truth is, bullying takes many forms and sometimes goes unnoticed even when it happens right before your eyes. An important word to keep in mind when it comes to bullying is perspective. Every individual in this world has their own way of perceiving things, and everybody interprets events differently. The actions that one person sees as joking around or normal teenage behavior might adversely affect another person, who sees it from a different perspective. Something that one person might not think is not bullying another takes to heart.


To the group of ten girls. Why? Why was I the brunt of this so called "joke”? Why couldn't you find enjoyment in something else that didn't hurt someone so badly? Why the need to throw french fries and ketchup at my house that smothered across my driveway? Tell me what was the point of instagramming pictures of me with the caption “fuck a fake friend” followed by comments of pure hate. Where was the enjoyment for you by unwillingly placing me in a group message named “mean girls” in which you called me names relentlessly until I was forced to block your phone numbers. Why was there a need to send a text message of intimidation to ensure that I knew I was not wanted at the senior prom after-party where my date was allowed to attend but I was not granted the permission to go anywhere near? You all might claim that this behavior is not bullying, that it was all typical highschool drama. But I beg to differ. When the behavior continues unabated for months, these aren’t playful antics of high school drama, but rather examples of flat-out bullying no matter what perspective you look at it from. I have experienced long-term effects from enduring such a pattern of bullying. You degraded me in the worst way possible, all while trying to convince me and everyone around me that these acts of inhumanity were legitimate, fair, and somehow warranted.

Over the course of four months, I too convinced myself that referring to my situation as ‘bullying’ was melodramatic and unnecessary. Then I asked myself, why did my hand tremble when I left the cafeteria after being stared at for the entire twenty-two minute lunch break? Why did I experience a loss of hunger because I was so sick to my stomach from the daunting texts sent to me in between the passing time of classes? Why was I speechless amongst utter shock after one of you told me to “go fuck myself” loud enough for the whole hallway to hear. Admittedly, I was afraid to accept that I had been bullied. It made me feel powerless, victimized and pathetic. I didn't fit into the typical stereotype of a victim of bullying – I was confident and proud and it felt weird to label myself as a victim. But eventually, I realized that it shouldn't be that way. My feelings weren't true and they were not important anymore. But what are important are the lessons you all inadvertently taught me throughout my final year of high school from experiencing such trauma in my daily life.

To the group of ten. I no longer fear you, I feel sorry for you. You are all now an insignificant part of my past; ten faces with no names. I can look back and say this has shaped me in the best way possible. I am better for having had you in my life. Thank you for teaching me the value of a person so early in my life. You taught me to eliminate the toxic people who add no value or importance to my well-being. Thank you for tearing me down multiple times so that I had no option but to build myself up with resilience and promising potential to become a better person. I have gained priceless knowledge and wisdom, which is more than you can all say for yourselves. I hope that in the future life is kind to you, so you can be kinder to others.

Sincerely,
See you never, on to bigger and better things