Letter to my child who is an angel now
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Letter to my child who is an angel now

Letter to my child who is an angel now

Hello my child,

It’s me, your mother.

Where do I even begin?

Let me introduce myself. I am a 19-year-old nursing student, I love chocolate, and was terrified of babies and kids. Yes, kids terrified me. I thought of them as expensive brats and a huge responsibility. I told myself that I would never have kids. I didn’t want kids. I love food, but I can’t cook; I can’t even change my tires. I have little patience and can be quite ditsy. My dream was to travel the world and retire when I turn 50.

Now let me tell you about your father. He is 25, handsome, athletic, cooks, cleans, and smells amazing! He is a bad boy. He has a past, but he is changing. I was with him, trying to help him change and become the guy he wanted to be. He loves kids and animals. He pretends to be tough on the outside but on the inside, he is mushy gushy. In his past, he’s been with plenty of women. In fact, some even got pregnant and got an abortion, and possibly he might have a kid out there that he is unaware of. Just know that he would have been a great father and that you have half brothers or sisters.

We are no longer together, but your father and I are still “friends.” As friendly as two ex-lovers can be anyways. We both know who you are and do love you. If you are here with us, we would have given everything to see you happy.

I want to tell you more about your family. On your father’s side, you have two uncles (one married), no cousins (yet), a grandma, a grandpa, and a great grandma. On my side, you have a grandma and a grandpa.

I really owe you an apology. I did not know I was pregnant, or else I would not have abused Benadryl or drank so much. I blame myself because as a nursing student, how could I have missed the signs? I didn’t know until it was too late. When I held your corpse in my hands, I was so shocked. I am so sorry.

I really wanted to get to know you. Are you a boy or a girl? What your dreams would have been; what you do with your life; what you would have looked like. All I know is that you like chili and Mexican food based off the cravings I had when I was pregnant with you. Your birthday is August 11, 2016, if you were to be born on the exact predicted date; I really wish I was given the chance to find out myself.

I never got the chance to bond with you, but I know that you were with me— even if it was for a short time. What happened happened, and I can only blame myself; I am a terrible mother. Sorry I couldn’t bring you into this world. I hope you are happy in heaven.

You are my little angel.

It hurts me to know that I had to say good-bye before even saying hello. I wanted to hold you.

You changed my life. Though I did not want kids, being pregnant with you changed me; there is that special feeling I get whenever I see a baby now. I guess I changed because i'm a mother now. Now I love babies and kids. I want to become a midwife and deliver babies. Your existence helped re-inspire me to continue my journey and be a nurse. Your existence helped your father get back on his feet and change.

Your father and I were not meant to be, and I guess we –you, me, and him— were also not meant to be. I pray for you, my darling. I hope you are happy and can forgive me, forgive us. We are still here on earth and need to keep going. I hope you go and look after your father. He really needs your protection. Make sure he doesn’t return to his old self again. I will be fine, I will keep pushing forward. One day, we will all be reunited in heaven, and there, I will be able to see you.

I wish I could kiss your little fingers and your forehead and say good night, but until the day I see you again, please rest in peace.


Your terrible mother

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

I Didn't Know That I Would Lose My Best Friend To Her Boyfriend

I didn't know that you would stop doing the things that make you happy. The things everyone used to judge you for. You are the type of person who does things on YOUR terms and now they're on his.

I Didn't Know That I Would Lose My Best Friend To Her Boyfriend

As your best friend, all I ever want is for you to be happy. Because as best friends, we know exactly what makes the other happy. I know all your weird and quirky lingo. I know how much you hate certain foods and most of all, I know the things that are important to you in life.

Keep Reading... Show less

How to Celebrate Valentine's Day Without a Valentine

You know YOU are not determined by your romantic status

How to Celebrate Valentine's Day Without a Valentine

Although the most romantic and love-filled holiday is right around the corner, it's important to know that Feb.14, the middle day of the shortest month of the year, doesn't need to be determined by your current romantic status. With that being said, you can either choose to sulk over the fact that you're single or you can make the best out of Valentine's Day without even having one.

Here are a few ideas to celebrate the day:

Keep Reading... Show less

7 Fun Facts About The Eiffel Tower

The iconic landmark is reinventing itself with a splashy new color.

Eiffel Tower

Soon, the 2024 Summer Olympics are coming to Paris, and the Eiffel Tower will be in the spotlight.

Embedded so much into Paris's identity, the iconic landmark is no stranger to historic events and world-class gatherings over the years. It is sure to shine again.

Keep Reading... Show less

Blue Skies Weren't Always Blue

You don't just start as the person you are meant to be; there is a journey full of ups and downs that mold a person, so this is my journey.

Blue Skies Weren't Always Blue

Overall I'd love to say I grew up a happy overly enthusiastic child that was taught to love herself and be loved by everyone else, but I can't say that and I never will. My smile wasn't always as bright as it is today, but this is the story behind my smile, the story about how I got here to the happiest place I'll ever be. I'll begin at freshman year of high school.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Heart Wants what the Heart Wants

Just remember sometimes it is gonna hurt, whether we want it to or not!

The Heart Wants what the Heart Wants
Where to start...... Let me start with the cliche that life throws us curveballs and what we do with it is what counts.

One day he walked into my life. UNEXPECTED! And one day he walked out!

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments