To my love,
It has been seven years since the first day I met you at that bowling alley, yes… I said bowling alley. I remember walked up and just seeing you standing there with your long hair that always reminded me of Justin Bieber. Throughout that day, the first day I met you, you made me feel nothing but complete happiness. I knew from that moment you were going to be my best friend. Little did I know… you felt the same way. As weeks flew past we talked more and more each day and every time I saw you after the first it just made my heart race. You were and still are the first person I go to when I need a shoulder to cry on. You are the one person who understands me better than my own family does. It took me so long to realize that, after so long, I was falling head over heels for you and little did I know… you were feeling the same way. Weeks, months and years past and every time I saw you, I ran up to you waiting for you to just hug me. It was like every single time you hugged me, all those broken pieces were put back together again. It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I realized how badly I wanted to be with you. You had a girlfriend at the time so I came to the conclusion that I just had to hide my feelings no matter how badly it hurt. Another year past and I was with a different guy and you and your girlfriend had broken up. My head was so confused because I knew I wanted to be with you but I liked the guy I was currently with, so I did what I do best… I swallowed my feelings and went on with my life. It wasn’t until later that you told me that you liked me… because oblivious me couldn’t see that you have been flirting with me for years. It killed me because I couldn’t do anything… I knew it wouldn’t be right.
We hung out all the time and talked almost every day. You were my best friend and we both knew nothing was going to change that. I remember going to you one day in tears because things were going south with my boyfriend and I was really upset about it. Instead of just telling me to end it because you wanted me…you told me to work things out. Like I said, you were my best friend. I knew I loved you more than anything and It killed me knowing that we couldn’t be together. It was the beginning of February and we had hung out every Friday for almost a half a year straight… I couldn’t hide it anymore. I was so in love with you. I remember the day you first kissed me… on the cheek at least. It was so adorable and I got butterflies in my stomach. I broke up with my boyfriend because things just were not okay anymore and my feelings for you were just too strong. It wasn’t until you really kissed me two days later that drove me over the edge. I remember the day you asked me out... I remember it down to the last detail and it was the best day of my life.
From day one we have had some great memories and we have also had some hard times too, but we got through them together. Remember when things used to be really good? We have been through two breakups and a break and things are still hard. Why? I feel like we let outside people have an influence on who we are together. It’s me and you facing the world sweetie and that’s all it should ever be. Not a day goes by, even when we are fighting, that you aren’t on my mind. You are the one I love and the one I want to spend my life with you. I tell you all the time how much I love you and I try all the time to prove it to you but I feel like sometimes it’s just not good enough… after almost two years I feel like I am not what you want anymore and I hate the feelings I am feeling because of this. The past couple of weeks have been the toughest. We have maybe said a couple of words to each other. But I just wanted to tell you, I still love you.
It’s been a couple days while I have been writing this and we aren’t together anymore. You broke up with me because you decided you needed space so you could take the time to grow up. I respect your decision… I really do but I wish you wanted to grow up with us together. I muss the great days we had together. I know everyone keeps telling me to just get away from you. Everyone has been telling me what to do and how to feel while I go through this and it has done nothing but make e sad because I feel like no one is supporting me. No one understand that you cannot just let someone, who you have been with for two years, just go. It’s not that easy and I am not ready to let you go yet. This letter to you has been more of a rant because I feel like I have fought all I can and now it is your time to fight if you want us to be together. You tell me you don’t deserve me because of how you have treated me.. and yeah that may be right. Towards the end you didn’t treat me right but I don’t think about those times. I think about the amazing times at prom, graduation, concerts and our first Christmas together. One does not dwell on the bad. You have been my best friend for so many years, and I promise you I will stick by your side while you figure out who you are and when you are ready I will be here for you. I love you so much, with all my heart. Forever and ever and ever. You are my love and my life. And I don’t want you to ever forget how much you mean to me. One day, I hope our paths will cross again and until then I wish you the best.
Love always,
The girl who won’t stop loving you
