You don’t get an opening or greeting or salutation.
You get angry, poetry worthy, lines of unimaginable hurt.
A lot of people write these to show or tell their ex-best friends how they hope their life is great and how much they still care about them. But not me. Not this one.
Those feelings go without saying. What you deserve to hear is how much you hurt me, let me down and broke my heart.
I tried for so long to get you to talk to me — to work on whatever we went through. I tried for an entire year without one response. I tried for an entire year to get you to even acknowledge my existence.
I got nothing.
Not even a, "Bug off."
I can tell you the last words you ever said to me, “Well I don’t particularly want to.”
That was in response to me asking if you were ever going to speak to me again.
How did we go from making plans about your wedding to you telling me you never want to talk to me again?
Over a boy? A lifestyle choice?
What is a friend if not someone to tell you that the decisions you’re making aren’t the best? It wasn’t like I wasn’t going to support you either way. It wasn’t like I was judging you or putting you down. I was trying to help you in the best way I knew how.
Where’s that boy now? That lifestyle?
My mother says I should try to reach out again. Especially now. Your mother too.
Normally these "letters" are filled with things that say how glad they are that you’re doing great and that, even though you grew apart, they really are proud of you. How they still keep up with you on social media and really, you’ve done so good for yourself.
No. Just no.
I’m sorry for you. I’m sorry that you missed out on two unbelievable years of my life. On two amazing years of friendship with me and our other best friend. Who I still talk to every single day.
I regret that in your head you probably think I let you down because that’s what you said last time we didn’t talk for a while, that I wasn’t there for you. Well guess what? I was there even when you wanted nothing to do with me. Even when I was going through things in my life where I needed you. When I was going through big changes and could have used you.
Years of friendship (long distance friendship at that) tossed away.
Dreams. Plans. Adventures. Life.
All thrown away.
When I planned this out, I had so much I wanted to say, but I realized that there’s nothing left to say except this:
I’m writing this two days before your birthday. I will think of you at certain points in my life always. I will think of you when people say certain quotes and talk about TV shows or books. When a song comes on in the car that we listened to and sang 100 times during the summers of 2010, 2011 or 2013. I will see and go places that remind me of you.
I will always remember when you said that soulmates don’t have to be romantic and that we’d found each other and we understood each other and that was a soulmate. I was your person and you were mine. Obviously soulmates don’t leave, so that wasn’t true.
All of these things I feel, I hope you feel them tenfold.
But most of all I hope that you’re sad because you'll never find a better best friend than me.
