Dear 14-year-old Gillian,
Hi, little one! This is really weird to say, but hi, I'm 18-year-old you. You've come such a long way since freshman year of high school and I couldn't be more proud of you. Here are some things to keep in mind as you begin your first year of high school; a big transition period in your life that will bring about some incredibly positive and incredibly negative changes.
You will go into high school with high hopes shaped by social media and "High School Musical"-esque TV shows, glorifying high school as a social hub of boyfriends, best friends, parties, alcohol, and not much else. Please, please, please don't mold yourself into someone you aren't to try to achieve the "High School Musical" goal that is a reality for virtually no one. Never feel pressured to participate in certain activities because you think it will make you cool. Delete everything from your life that you associate with negative feelings.
The people who are by your side entering high school are not going to be those you walk out with, and that is for the better. Every person who comes into your life teaches you a lesson, and one of these lessons might be that you don't want to surround yourself with certain types of people.
The most life-altering occurrence of your life will arise during freshman year. It will seem unfair and horrible in the beginning but you will eventually come to realize that it is the best thing that could have possibly happened to you. With the pressure of life, homework, insecurities, boys, and competitive people, will come massive anxiety in your case. With anxiety will come depression and a steep dip in self-confidence. You are stronger than these setbacks. Never feel ashamed to seek help, as you are 100 percent deserving of happiness and well-being. You cannot let these disabilities define you. I'm going to be the only one to say this straight to your face, but you need to hear it: wallowing in self-pity is not cute. You are not the only person who is going through hell, and it is much more worth your time to put on a brave face and fake it until you make it. Confidence is attractive; no one will want to talk to the girl who hides from the sun in hopes of making people feel bad for her.
Turn to YouTube for help, as knowing that there are people out there like you experiencing the same things will bring you to peace. Talking to people online is nothing to feel embarrassed about. If you're having an emotionally turbulent day and end up binge-eating 65 jawbreakers that you bought on amazon (yes, this will really happen), don't feel weird asking for advice from some rando on Omegle. Communication is therapeutic, sometimes you just need someone to listen. Baby steps.
Fair Warning: You will become somewhat boy-crazy during high school which is only normal (hormones am I right?!). Having crushes is fun and definitely good motivation to show up to school every day, but you cannot become consumed by the need to be desirable to boys. Really. Everything happens for a reason, and a boy will come into your life when the time is right. Try not to obsess too much as it will destroy your sanity. Don't chase people. If they are meant to be in your life, they will be. Just be yourself and let the rest put itself into place. The world has a plan for you!
Numbers and grades do not define you. YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING, not a weight on a scale, not a grade point average, not an IQ, a complex and delicate human being. Comparison and toxicity are all around you, but recognize that as long as you are trying your best and putting your best foot forward, you are learning and making strides. Emotional intelligence is your strong suit, and that is okay. When are you really going to use trigonometry in the real world anyways? (Sorry, math teachers).
Lastly, please remember that most of what you learn from your high school experience will not come from the classroom or a textbook. Say yes to new adventures; whether it goes wonderfully or terribly, you are still learning. Smile more. You have a lot to be grateful for. Live in the moment and remember that everything happens for a reason.
Lots of love,
Future Gillian
