When you’re a 14-year-old you experience new beginnings; you’re now a freshman in high school, you’re about to start driver's education and your body is going through all sorts of changes. You make new friends, lose some friends and strengthen your bond with old friends. You might even start dating for the very first time. Of course, not everyone has the same experience, but here is a letter to my 14-year-old self. This letter is filled with advice I wish I had gotten, hopefully, this advice will help out any teens reading this now.
Dear self,
You are not an adult yet. I know you feel like you’re all grown up and independent. You’re day dreaming of the day you can leave school, go to college and start a life. I’m not going to lie, high school will not be the best years of your life. However, you will gain so many great memories. Please slow down and enjoy the moment. You don’t have to bear all the responsibility in your life, don’t feel like a failure because you still need your parents help with things. You are only 14-years-old. You don’t have to worry about a job or paying bills, just allow yourself to live in the moment for once.
Your significant other is not your whole world. I know you think you love them, you think it’s meant to be and you’ll be high school sweethearts. Again, slow down. Don’t rush the relationship and please for the love of everything do not say I love you after only dating for two weeks! You’ll learn the difference between being in love and having a really strong crush. You will date multiple people and you will be put into situations you wish never happened. But take these relationships as lessons. Some relationships will be bad, but you will have good ones too. You will have your heart broken and it will be okay. It wasn’t meant to be, you will look back and be thankful they broke your heart. Trust me. You will break someone’s heart too, please don’t beat yourself up over it, it was for the best.
Don’t allow anyone to make you feel like you aren’t good enough. This includes your significant other. You are not their property, don’t let them treat you like it. Wear whatever clothes you want, wear your makeup how you want and dye/cut your hair. If your significant other tells you what to do please reply with, “I’m sorry I don’t recall signing up for a third parent?” You will regret not saying this. When your now ex-boyfriend calls you disgusting and unattractive because you gained weight, please break up with them. Relationships are meant to build you up and make you happy. If you spend more time feeling sad rather than happy, it’s not a healthy relationship.
Romantic interests won’t be the only time you will deal with a toxic relationship. The same applies for friendships. If they make you feel bad about yourself, they are not a good friend. Remember you are smart, attractive and great just the way you are. It’s okay to cut toxic people out of your life, you don’t owe them an explanation. You also don’t have to forgive everyone who has ever wronged you, especially when they don’t apologize. Remember, it’s good to have standards.
Don’t slut shame other girls, please? Women have it hard enough and we need to build each other up, not tear each other down. Yeah, she’s wearing really short shorts and you know what? She looks great! Yeah, you can see her cleavage, and guess what? She still looks great! It’s not your body, therefore, you have no say in what they can or cannot do. You learn this by your sophomore year (thank goodness). Stand up for your fellow girls, we need all the support we can get.
People will gossip about you and yes, most of the rumors will be untrue. Hold your head up high, don’t stay silent. Be loud, be angry and be vocal about your anger. Don’t avoid confrontation. Don’t wait until your senior year of high school before finally standing up for yourself, you will regret not doing it sooner.
Don’t feel stupid for not doing well in classes. You are trying your hardest. Please talk to your teachers and ask them for help. Most of them will help you. It is okay you are struggling, you still get into college.
You find yourself having anxiety attacks frequently, but you don’t understand what they are what to call them. Please don’t bottle everything up, tell someone and get help. Don’t isolate yourself from the world. You will get help later on and you will become so much happier afterwards.
I know you are scared and confused about your sexuality. You don’t know how everyone in your life will react to it. Please don’t be scared. Don’t be ashamed. Your feelings are valid. Your sexuality is valid. The important people in your life will love and accept you. The people who leave you when you do eventually come out are not worth your time or your tears. You are fabulous, keep your head up high.
Finally, I want to tell you to love yourself. You will realize your flaws aren’t actually flaws. They are what make you, well, you. I know from most of the advice I’ve given you about high school doesn’t make it sound fun, but it will be. You will make amazing friends and lose toxic ones. You will grow so much and realize your self-worth. You will gain confidence and become a fighter. You will be proud of yourself.
Love,
Future you
PS: Please wear a foundation that’s actually your shade. You will look back and see your orange face in photos and cringe. Plus wearing black eyeliner so thick you have panda eyes, is not a cute look. Thanks!
