It used to be that when you had feelings for someone that didn't reciprocate, you were sad and then you moved on. Maybe you stayed friends with them, maybe you didn't. Then the internet happened and we started inventing terms like "friend zone" so we could get together in forums and complain about how sad and terrible our lives are because someone didn't want to date and/or have sex with us. But this idea of being "put in the friend zone" is holding back gender relations. It's misplacing responsibility of your feelings so that you can blame someone else, but it's not funny, helpful, or something people want to hear about all the time.

And this is all coming from a place of experience. I'll be honest, I used to be that guy. If you talked to me four or five years ago I could probably tell you all about my friend zone woes. And it absolutely does suck when you have strong feelings for someone who doesn't have them for you, but I have since learned you just have to move on. Lingering on hurt feelings can only create resentment. The odds of that person learning about how sad they make you and then suddenly having a change of heart are slim to none. But before I go much further, let me clear some things up.

First of all, I'm probably going to sound like I'm just addressing this to other guys and I probably am. Although I haven't done the exact research, I feel confident in saying that ninety-nine percent of all reported friend zone cases are men complaining about women. And when I say "men" I should say "boys", because although I hate those "real men blah blah blah" memes, I do think that the word "men" implies a level of maturity that anyone crying "friend zone" does not possess. And again, that used to be me. So I will try to keep things gender neutral, but come on guys, everyone knows it's our fault.

I should also point out that there are at least three variations of the friend zone. The first can be one of the most annoying. It's when you're friends with someone of the opposite sex but other people make jokes about how you're in the friend zone. It turns out, however, that two people of the opposite sex can absolutely be friends without there being any romantic or sexual tension. Platonic relationships exist, and there is nothing wrong with them. Always keep that in mind.

Then there are the cases of having strong, genuine romantic feelings towards another person, and that can be the most difficult to put up with. But quietly dwelling on them is never going to change anything. The best thing to do is tell the person how you feel. In a lot of cases they don't know that they "friend zoned" you, they just never knew you had feelings like that in the first place because you never made it clear. They're not being manipulative, as many guys on the internet will quickly say, you're just too afraid to be honest. Maybe if you're straightforward with them then they'll give you a chance. It happens.

But if it doesn't, then you either maintain your friendship and try to find someone else to date or you cut them out of your life because it's too hard to just be their friend. In either case, you move on. You definitely don't need someone in your life whose very presence makes you sad all the time. You will most likely just grow to resent them and that is a no win situation. But also, keep in mind that suddenly vanishing from their lives may give the appearance that you were only ever interested in sex, which hopefully isn't the case.

But if that is the case, then it brings me right to the third variation, which is also objectively the worst. These are the boys who think that because they have showed some level of basic human decency to a woman for a certain length of time that they are entitled to have sex with them. They will often refer to themselves as "the nice guy" and will lament about women not liking nice guys. In my opinion, this barely qualifies as "the friend zone" because if you were ever their friend to begin with then you would have enough respect for them to not expect sex from them. Unfortunately this seems to be the most common.

So let me be clear in case this is new information for you: someone can't owe you sex. There is nothing you can do for someone that deserves to be rewarded with sex. Someone might choose to reward you with sex for some valorous deed, but by no means is someone ever obligated to have sex with you, especially if all you've done is be a good person to them because you should be doing that anyway. If you expect sex for being a good person, then you are not a good person. Even if you're in a relationship with someone who gave you a book of "love coupons" because they were too poor or just forgot to get you a real present, and even if you choose to cash in the "let's bang" coupon, if they really really don't feel like it right then, they are still not required to have sex with you.

So can we all agree to stop using the term "friend zone"? Can this just be a thing we all look back on and laugh about even though it's not very funny and only looks worse in retrospect? Can everyone grow the hell up and stop acting like jaded high school kids? The whole world would be a better place.