It's commonplace to hear girls in college complain, "It's impossible to find a good guy nowadays" or, likewise, to hear college boys claim that "all of the down to earth girls are gone." If you find yourself to be guilty of complaining about such, then you are also guilty of being influenced by the wrong mentality. If you really think that your school is completely out of stock when it comes to "the good ones" of your opposite gender, then you are likely just as guilty of adding to the problem (the "problem" refers to all negative qualities in regards to romance: selfishness, insecurity, carelessness, lying, excuses, deceitfulness, etc). There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship or anything serious in college, nor is there anything inherently wrong with just "wanting to have fun." To the people who are well aware of what they want in regards to love (or one-night stands; see: Tallahassee, Florida), I commend you. Knowing exactly what you want is the first and often the biggest step to actually getting what you want, no matter what way, shape, or form it comes in.

The real issue goes much deeper in regards to the frustration with the alleged inability to find someone of the opposite gender that really gives you the "feels." Some college students will face this frustration and simply come to terms with the fact that they are not made out to be in a college relationship and, consequently, they spend their nights out in college getting drunk with their friends and going home with different people. For some reason, however, society has made this type of behavior more frowned upon than a much deeper, dangerous type of behavior that stems from the frustration of not being able to "find someone real."

In my two years in Tallahassee, I have seen more people settle for someone they do not really care about more than ever before. There is nothing more atrocious in the eyes of love than involving yourself with someone, especially in an official relationship, just because they are hot, convenient to hang out with or socially acceptable for you to date. In other words, associating yourself with someone by "talking" or actually committing to an official relationship with that person when you aren't willing to earnestly and eagerly invest yourself emotionally in that person primarily on the basis of their personality and ambitions is dangerous. In fact, it isn't only dangerous in the sense that you can hurt the other person or even yourself, it is detrimental to the overall population surrounding you (the same one that you criticize for not having any "good girls" or "good guys - ironic, isn't it?).

There is a difference between "sealing the deal" and "killing the game." Obviously, the same holds true for hook-ups and one-night stands (if you're already in college and still don't understand how to work the field and play your game, then good luck), but I am referring much more to relationships, whether they are official or unofficial. If you choose to let someone in your life with any serious doubts at all about a future with them, then what the hell is the point of spending any time with them? It may sound extreme, but if you choose to date someone despite being certain of the fact that you two have zero hopes of a future, then you are wasting your time. Think about all of the time you wasted in high school thinking about and spending time with people of the opposite gender that have literally zero effect on your life today. Although it is important to learn lessons and experience different things with different kinds of people, it is more important to take advantage of the limited time that you have on earth, especially when you are in college and have more free time than ever to enjoy yourself and meet new people in social settings.

"Sealing the deal" looks something like this: you are talking to or dating someone that you kind of like. You met through a friend or family member or maybe were even set up on a date function by a mutual friend and you two hooked up and began talking after a while. At this point, you might find yourself having been dating this person for even a year or more (I have literally seen people in relationships lasting over two years that don't really like each other). However, there is something about this person that rubs you wrong. You do not feel an overly strong personal nor emotional connection to them and frequently find things that they say or do strange and untimely. Their friends tend to creep you out and annoy you. Even this person tends to annoy you, but you choose not to tell them or act on it because you have erroneously convinced yourself that the relationship is right due to the fact that "you're in love" or "they're the one." You are not in love and they are not the right one if you still care about yourself more than you care about them. You are not in love and they are not the right one if you can't spend a couple of hours here and there merely talking and enjoying each other's company and thoughts on life without having to hook up to end the awkward silence. You are not in love and they are not the right one if you have serious doubts about wanting to even slowly pursue any form of a future with that person. This is "sealing the deal"; it is good, but it isn't great. It is fun, but it isn't memorable. It is convenient, but it isn't necessary.

"Killing the game" in regards to romance is, obviously, harder to find and takes more time to develop, but when it manifests itself you will know it and it will make you truly happy, not just content. If you actively seek out this person's company, admire their ambitions and life pursuits, and, most important, find value in what they do for the lives of their families, friends, and the world itself, then you're killing it. To reiterate my point, if you are "talking to" or "dating" someone that you do not feel for strongly on a personal or emotional basis, then you are wasting your time (your precious, limited time that will, without a doubt, expire one day upon dying, something that everyone does). The travesty of the whole aforementioned dilemma is the fact that everyone really does have the potential to "kill the game," but most choose not to due to insecurity of a future without someone special or frustration with not having been able to already find someone who gives them the "feels."

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have fun and be free to hook up with anyone you want, especially in college, but if you do, then don't add to the problem and complain about not being able to find "a good one" because you aren't a good one yet either. Moreover, there is nothing wrong with enjoying someone for the way they look, the way they smell (having a nice cologne or perfume goes a long way, I recommend smelling good as often as you can), or the way they make you feel when things get heated. However, there is everything wrong with involving yourself with someone when you're fairly certain that you don't see yourself with that person a few months down the line. Do not settle or merely attempt to "seal the deal" in order to fulfill an ignorantly self-imposed expectation. Rather, kill the game and spend your time with people who make you happy and, more importantly, make you want to learn anything and everything about them. There is always a possibility to find someone like this no matter where you are. However, your time is limited, and it is shameful for you to waste it, so don't.

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