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Let's Put Joey Chestnut in Perspective

"Siri, define 'goat'"

Gibson Steed

Jul 11, 2019

Mississippi State University

Kena Betancur/Getty Images

Joey Chestnut is a human being like no other. If you are unfamiliar with his accomplishments, he holds 48 eating records, per Major League Eating. He has won the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest twelve times in the last thirteen years. He is the Michael Jordan of eating... or is Jordan the Joey Chestnut of basketball? After watching Chestnut down SEVENTY-ONE hot dogs on July 4th, 2019, I was curious just to see how his dynasty compares to that of the best athletes and teams to ever grace the Earth. Here's what I found:

Chestnut has 12 Nathan's titles, which is more titles than:

Bill Russell: 11 (NBA), 12x NBA All-Star

Michael Jordan: 6 (NBA), 10x All-NBA First Team

LeBron James: 3 (NBA)

Kobe Bryant: 5 (NBA), 11x All-NBA First Team

Tom Brady: 6 (NFL), widely considered the best NFL player of all time

Joe DiMaggio: 11 (MLB)

Babe Ruth: 7 (MLB)

The St. Louis Cardinals: 11 (MLB)

The Boston Red Sox: 9 (MLB)

The Green Bay Packers: 11 (NFL)

Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football: 11 (CFB)

UCLA Basketball: 11 (CBB), widely considered the best program in college basketball history

Duke AND UNC Basketball combined: 11 (CBB)

THE ENTIRE CITY OF MIAMI: 7 (NBA, MLB, NFL)

The numbers speak for themselves: Joey Chestnut is the greatest athlete to ever exist.

I hope you enjoyed. Yes, this is a joke. But in all seriousness, Joey Chestnut continues to do incredible things, and we should all bear witness to his domination in Major League Eating.

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Let's Put Joey Chestnut in Perspective

"Siri, define 'goat'"

Chestnut has 12 Nathan's titles, which is more titles than:

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Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

It's mandatory to have these conversations.

1. What do you do for a living?

2. What's your favorite color?

3. Do you have any siblings?

4. What's your favorite television show?

5. When is your birthday?

6. What's your biggest goal in life?

7. If you had three wishes granted to you by a genie, what would they be?

8. What's your favorite childhood memory?

9. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

10. Are you a cat or a dog person?

11. Do you believe in a religion or any sort of spiritual power?

12. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

13. What is your ideal date night?

14. Who was/is your celebrity crush?

15. What's a good way to cheer you up if you're having a bad day?

16. Do you have any tattoos?

17. Can you describe yourself in three words?

18. What makes you the most nervous in life?

19. What's the best gift you have ever received?

20. What do you do to relax/have fun?

21. What are your priorities at this phase of your life?

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

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Ingredients

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There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

A bad day at the lake is still better than a good day not at the lake.

You know the best beaches and coves to go to.

You have no patience for the guy who can't back his trailer into the water right.

Doing the friendly wave to every boat you pass.

The cooler is always packed, mostly with beer.

Giving the idiot who goes 30 in a "No Wake Zone" a piece of your mind.

You have no problem with peeing in the water.

You know the frustration of getting your anchor stuck.

Watching in awe at the bigger, better boats that pass by.

Knowing any swimsuit that you own with white in it is best left for the pool or the ocean.

The momentary fear for your life as you get launched from the tube.

You're able to go to the restaurants by the water wearing minimal clothing.

Having unexpected problems with your boat.

Having a name for your boat unique to you and your life.

There's no better place you'd rather be in the summer.

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

1. My school is incredibly unique.

2. I am not just a number at my school.

3. I feel like I am contributing something to the community.

5. My professors know me and I feel that I can easily communicate with them.

6. The incredible people I've met

7. Opportunities

8. Students want to learn

9. Ability to join a sorority and have a house full of people I know I can talk to anytime I need to

10. I have figured out how I learn best because my school offers so many different ways of learning.

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