Everyone has their own opinion about online dating. Some people think it’s a seedy hookup scene with questionable characters and even more questionable exchanges. Many people refuse to try any form of online dating, whether it’s a free app (such as Tinder or Bumble) or a paid website (like Christian Mingle or eHarmony). They assume that it’s dangerous, that everyone on there is looking for a one night stand, and that online dating is something that only people who lack adequate social skills use. They see online dating as a last resort for when traditional methods of dating have failed, rather than as simply another way of finding people around you with whom your life wouldn’t normally intersect.
Plenty of people meet their significant other at a bar, coffee shop, work, church, or through a mutual friend. But there are also a large number of people with whom you don’t have any mutual friends, that don’t go to the same school as you, that don’t work at the same office, and that don’t live in your immediate area.
The choice to pursue online dating isn’t a reflection of your social ability. It’s a reflection of your social preference. Some people love being around others all the time, and some don't. Even if it may be easy for a certain individual to socialize in real life, they might still prefer to have a little more distance before diving into any type of relationship, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Besides, we do almost everything online now. You can schedule just about any type of appointment online, order food and groceries online, conduct business meetings and conferences online, and live stream a lecture or ceremony online, just to name a few things. It only makes sense that, as our society becomes increasingly technologized, basic aspects of the human experience like dating will follow suit.
I'd be lying if I said that you’re not going to run into people in the online dating world whose intentions and desires don’t match up with your own. Not everyone wants the same things when it comes to relationships, and that’s something that will always exist both online and in real life. You deal with it the same way no matter the situation; take it with a grain of salt, pick up your values and morals, walk away, and move on. There are 7.4 billion people in the world; losing one person is never the end.
Two summers ago, a couple of my best friends, Allison and Mikayla, came over to my house for a girl’s night. We were sitting in my room chatting when we decided that it would be fun to try Tinder. Mikayla, being in a serious relationship at the time, watched as Allison and I downloaded the app and set up our profiles. To be honest, neither of us had any serious intentions. We just wanted to see what it was about and maybe chat with some cute boys in the area.
Neither Allison nor I found the love of our life on Tinder that summer… not that we have the time or desire to anyway unless it’s for someone truly special. Allison’s working towards medical school and I’m working towards continuing to support my Starbucks habit and being able to buy my dream mansion in Malibu with my own money.
But everything in life is an experience. I met a lot of very different boys on Tinder that summer. Some of them asked me if I wanted to hookup immediately after matching on Tinder, and some waited until two hours into the conversation. Some of them I had really great conversations with for weeks but never actually met. Some of them I went on a first date with and never spoke to again. Some of them I had a genuine connection with but timing and/or distance made it hard to keep anything going. Some of them I had a genuine connection with and I have no idea why it ended; it just did. You don’t always get closure, but you always get a lesson.
Online dating, just like with everything in life, is what you make of it. I’m not saying that everyone is obligated to use online dating because honestly it’s not for everyone, just like joining the choir or playing football isn’t for everyone.
But don’t be afraid to try something new if that’s what you want and, if by chance you do end up finding someone special online, don’t be ashamed to admit that that’s where you met. Life is too short to worry about what other people think about your choices, nor is it their business what you do with your life. Besides, how other people perceive and judge you reflects much more on them than it does on you.
