"Let's get down to business, to defeat....the conflict." Listen, I know I just made a Disney's Mulan reference, but what I am covering is actually a serious topic: learning to face conflict. I have heard from so many fellow students that they are afraid of conflict. That is, they tend to have difficulty in managing hurt, misunderstandings, or disagreements whether it is between friends, in the classroom, or even in a professional setting. This is an understandable fear, but it is a fear that should be addressed.
Conflict is a normal part of being human. If conflict did not exist, then the evolution of humanity and the ideas that sprout from it would be almost impossible to carry on. Solving conflict gives birth to progress, which is so essential, especially in today's progressive society. As one who has a strange love of dealing with conflict, I have come up with a few tips for you to observe and reflect upon. For me, it is all about conducting proper communication through honesty and vulnerability in every situation.
1. Don't ignore it. As soon as you sense that something is wrong, prepare to face it immediately. Bottling it up will only cause the issue to spew down the road.
2. Speak with someone you trust beforehand. Talk to someone who cares for you and who will also speak the truth regarding the reality of the conflict.
3. Expect the unexpected. Make sure that you have all of your bases covered. This means that you must make prepare for the different outcomes that could occur based on the conversation that you will have. People can be unpredictable at times, but it is important to prepare for a variety of reactions.
4. Reflect upon your own actions. If you make self-discoveries that potentially added to the conflict, admit them and own them in the conversation. Recognize the wrong you have committed and offer full disclosure. This can be very difficult for many, but honesty is worth it. It will make the conversation smoother and the "opposing party" will likely build more respect for you as the conversation progresses.
5. Organize to speak with the individual(s) face-to-face. Social media or texting is NOT the way to resolve conflict. So many mixed messages and misinterpretations occur through these methods of communication. Like I just mentioned, full disclosure must come into play when it comes to solving an issue. That will not be able to happen unless the person is fully present. This means being present mentally, spiritually, emotionally, AND physically.
6. Make sure YOU are ready for the conversation. Nerves are normal to have, but be intentional about not going into the conversation with strong, intense feelings that could potentially hurt someone or cause more conflict. If you are angry, allow yourself time to cool down. If you are sad, take time to build the strength you need to say what must be said. Don't feel the need to rush into the conversation if you are not ready for it.
7. Start off the conversation in an uplifting manner. You do not want to scare them right away. Ask them how their day is, or what they have been up to lately. Starting off the conversation this way demonstrates genuine care towards the individual(s). When people feel cared for, then they are more likely to listen to you. If it is a close friend of yours, invite them to do something fun, then discuss the topic later on during that time.
8. Forgiveness must be at the center of the conversation. Regardless of how you have been affected, it is important to have already established forgiveness externally and/or internally. That is, take note of if you have forgiven this person and/or have you forgiven yourself. If not, then you should not address the conflict just yet. Take time to forgive.
9. Tell every bit of the truth. Do not leave anything out, regardless of the messy details. You do not want more misunderstanding to come from the conversation, so it is extremely important to put everything out on the table. What has been on your heart must be made crystal clear to them. Ask them if they need more clarification throughout the conversation.
10. Listen. Let them talk. Do not do all of the talking. Allow the individual(s) to express their own feelings about the situation. Be open to receiving criticism and learning opportunities within the conversation.
After facing the conflict, many feelings could generate including those of contentment, discomfort, disappointment, or, hopefully, relief. However, regardless of the outcome, you did your part in attempting to solve an issue that needed to be addressed. I believe that boldness and bravery are cultivated through facing conflict, so bravo to you if you choose to take the plunge. Life is full of ups and downs, so we might as well learn how to ride the whole roller coaster.
