In a world of millions of "new" diets, and a social media that is obsessed with fitness, it can be really hard to love yourself, and it can be hard for people to feel comfortable loving on others, too. Body positivity that has been promoted through many different social media campaigns is great, but we need to begin to take it a step further. Liking your friends' pictures on Facebook or commenting "DAMN Girl!!! *Fire emoji* ", simply is not enough to keep not only women but men feeling good about themselves. Comments and likes are validating, but only in the short term. We need to begin building self-esteem on a foundation more sturdy than social media approval. This new foundational approach is called Intentional Body Positivity.

Your friend looks in the mirror on a Saturday night and questions the crop top she decided upon hours ago. You don’t say anything. And that’s the problem. Body positivity is easy when it’s splashed across your Tumblr blog and your twitter with flower crowns and sunshine. It’s not easy when your roommate pushes her food around and decides that she’s probably not hungry anymore. It’s not easy when your best guy friend cancels plans so that he can spend another hour in the gym pouring protein drinks down his throat like its water running out of a leaky faucet. What’s the difference between bettering yourself and throwing yourself down the rabbit hole diets and Pinterest workout routines and relying on celery to get you through the day, and skipping lunch the day you go prom dress shopping and drinking a gallon of water a day, and retweeting quotes like “Nothing tastes better than skinny feels” *insert flower emoji, muscle emoji, heart eye emoji*?

Being intentional with our words is the bravest thing we can do for ourselves, and the greatest act of love you can give to a friend. Reminding yourself and others that you don’t need to look “skinny”, but instead telling them that they look healthy, or happy, or powerful- that’s intentional body positivity. As hard as it can be, you should go out of your way to tell the people that they love that they don’t need to order the salad if they don’t want to, and when they mention that they “better not have that last insomnia cookie” at two in the morning telling them that yeah, actually, they can. Saying something that may feel awkward to say out loud is a lot less awkward than finding out your friend has been throwing up her meals in order to look good in her senior pictures.

Media is obsessed with fitness, which is cool. Being healthy and making choices that will ultimately lengthen your life is a great choice if that’s what you truly want. But what is not okay is making ninth grade girls feel like if they don’t have a gym membership they are egging obesity on. What is not okay is making guys scared to take their shirt off at the pool because of the size of their chest. We treat being “overweight” as a disease that can only be cured through self-discipline and a body worthy of posting on Instagram in a sports bra. Fitness is great until it takes over your life, and your happiness and your relationships.

Saying nothing is almost as bad as saying “Yeah, you could totally lose 8 pounds. Let’s diet together!” If we are intentional about making each other feel better about them we can kill this thing called self-hate, and we can feel great about ourselves. Giving 10 compliments a day should be easy, and I promise it will make you feel joyful and happy.