Getting me back..​​
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Getting me back..​​

Learning to love myself again.

43
Getting me back..​​


I am 29 years old. Most of my life I was always that person that was always smiling. I shared my positive outlook with everyone i encountered. I felt like a ray of sunshine that was meant to help others get away from negativity. At 21 years old I was so in love for the first time with someone amazing. A turn of events took him from me forever. My beautiful happy world as I knew it was turned upside down. I fell into a very deep, and dark depression. I started dating someone who was a total narcissist. it didn't take long for him to suck the energy and everything I had within my emphatic soul. One day I met my best friend and he swept me off my feet. Before I knew it I was in love again but this time with the one who was supposed to be my soulmate. I spent the next 6.5 years experiencing life with him. He is still thr most intelligent person I've ever met. I was so blinded and broken at this point so I didn't realize that I was slowly dying more and more inside every single day. He was so good at what he did that I didn't even notice the fact that I had become completely isolated and pissed off all my friends to the point of no return because od my flakiness. My once upon a time bright and shiny attitude and confidence had been replaced with hardcore self doubt and insecurity. To get me to not leave he told me I stank and nobody wants to be around a stinky person. I loved him so i really believed that I had bad odor. Its burned in my brain even when I spray my new expensive perfume. One day 6.5 years into what i thought my forever he came home from work and packed his belongings with another woman in the car outside. I fell to my knees and hysterically begged him to please stay. He was gone. I woke up everyday for the next six months with my first thought being I just wanted to die. I had nobody. I started getting back out and around people. I got a new place. I was lonely so i started letting all the wrong men in my life. I will let you know getting beat up and taking advantage of is not a better alternative to being alone. I lost my place. I was put in some near death situations, sexual assault a few times, and constantly being stolen from. I tried to commit suicide several times. I had this overwhelming feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness. In those several attempts God definitely took the wheel because that's not what his plan for me was. Fast forward about a year of bullshit to current times. I have made a lot of positive changes to everything about my life today. I had to cut out just about everyone I know. At first I was kinda miserable and lonely again. It didn't take long for my head to clear and I started thinking for myself again. I have become somewhat selfish for my own good. I regularly meditate. I am about to start back in school to finish my once abandoned college degree. I can breathe again. I am feeling like the amazing and inspired sunshine woman again and it feels so good. I am not where I want to be yet but that's what goals are about and I am making way. To think I was going to end it all at one point hurts me so much because there is so much I would've missed. To anyone that is feeling like they don't have anyone, that there is no hope, that are sick and tired, and over everything....

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Haunted Houses For Halloween In New Jersey

The Top Scariest Haunted Houses In New Jersey

9736

Residing in New Jersey enables you to participate in various activities, and everyone has a favorite. In New Jersey, Halloween is also celebrated in a spooky way. There are many scariest haunted houses in NJ to celebrate Halloween. If you want to confront your greatest fears, Halloween Scariest haunted houses are ideal.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Leaving My Backpack In The Library

Views about society and the stranger sitting right across from me

53397
https://unsplash.com/photos/O0T1SIgHAfM

As a college student, my backpack is an extension of myself in many ways. It contains my notes, pens, and computer vital for my success in college. It contains the snacks and water bottle I need to survive long days on campus. It also contains the "in-case" items that help put my mind at rest if I forgot something from home: extra hair ties, masks, and that backup-backup snack. With so much in my backpack important to me and my life on campus, it is no wonder that I can get apprehensive about it when it is not with me or in my line of sight. And that makes me wonder.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

5 Cool Gadgets To Make Your Car Smart

Don't let this stop you from making your car smart. You can change the one you have using smart gadgets that transform your car into a smart car.

110299

Cars are no longer just a mode of transport, where you only worry about the engine and how beautiful its interior is. These days, everyone wants to make their cars smarter, those with advanced technology systems. It makes sense for several reasons. It can make your vehicle more efficient and safer when you need to drive.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Inevitable Truth of Loss

You're going to be okay.

129989

As we humans face loss and grief on a daily basis, it's challenging to see the good in all the change. Here's a better perspective on how we can deal with this inevitable feeling and why it could help us grow.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

'Venom: Let There Be Carnage' Film Review

Tom Hardy and Woody Harrelson lead a tigher, more fun sequel to 2018's 'Venom'

105565
Photo Credit: Sony Pictures Entertainment – YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FmWuCgJmxo

When Sony announced that Venom would be getting a stand-alone movie, outside of the Tom Holland MCU Spider-Man films, and intended to start its own separate shared universe of films, the reactions were generally not that kind. Even if Tom Hardy was going to take on the role, why would you take Venom, so intrinsically connected to Spider-Man's comic book roots, and remove all of that for cheap action spectacle?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments