Whether it's with people or with things, letting go is
never fun and is hardly ever easy. A big part of it is learning to trust God and
another part of it is learning to be at peace with what's going on in life.
I personally feel like God has taken my planner and ripped it into a thousand pieces. He basically said, "It's time for a change, and you need to trust Me." It scares me to not knowing what's going on in my life. I have always been the one to plan my day out, make a to-do list and check off everything on it. I have always been the one to organize things, whether it's my bookshelf or an event. Not having that is like not having my security blanket. God took my life and shook it like a child would shake his Christmas gift.
To say that I don't know what will happen next would be an understatement. I don't know what will happen next, or the next time after that, or after that. I feel like I'm in a limbo state of life. Not really knowing where I am or where I will be in the future.
When 2016 started, I felt like my life was finally coming together. I had my college lined up, I was doing great in school, the golf season was about to start, I had a job, I had a summer trip planned out and it was totally going to be my year. And it was. Of course, there were some things that derailed me for a little bit, but I always got back on track. I was determined to do exactly as I had planned, and it worked... for the most part. I graduated with honors from my high school, my summer trip was the most amazing trip of my life, I started college (finally!), I finished my job and got a new one and I had a good year overall.
That all changed when I decided that I needed to save money and transfer away from my dream school and move back home to start college here. I felt like my whole plan had been grabbed, crumpled up and tossed in the waste-basket. I denied the truth for a long time until I was forced to face it. Then I had to let go of what I thought my perfect plan was and accept - even embrace -the new plan God has put in my way. I don't even know what that plan is yet, but I know that God wouldn't close or open a door that wasn't meant to be that way.
Going back a little bit in time, to the beginning of fall semester. I was in a similar spot, not really knowing what God was calling me to do, and I prayed. I prayed that God would test me. I cried out and said, "God, I want to live the life you have for me and I want to have true faith in You. So test me. Test my faith and give me something that I cannot handle without You."
Looking back now, I wish I wouldn't have done that because God's sense of humor isn't funny all the time. I can laugh a little now, knowing that God is purely doing what I asked. I guess the saying, "be careful what you wish for," is the most relevant thought that popped into my head.
When I asked God to test me, I wasn't expecting my life to be flipped around. It's a good thing, though. I had to learn to let go of things that weren't part of my life anymore. That includes letting go of college, letting go of the friends I made there (for now) and letting go of my security blanket. Since I am still learning, I am a little bit upset about the current events of my life, but I know that it'll work out.
Since I've been back home, there have been awesome opportunities that have come my way. Of course, it's not all set in stone, but that's the beauty of trusting God. Trusting God and letting go of your life isn't easy, but that's where faith comes in. Faith is trusting God even when you can't see the outcome.
I have been reading stories and testimonies about letting go, and every time the story is the same. It's about a person who is holding onto their life so hard and then God swoops in, grabs that life and throws it out. Sounds familiar to me. The unknown is scary, but in order to have real trust in God, we need to let Him guide us into the unknown. Letting go causes us to be blind, but I think that's what God needs from us. Blind faith.
It's hard to let go because some part of us doesn't want to know what God has in store for us. We want to continue to do life ourselves because it's safe. C.S. Lewis wrote, "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." That's pretty accurate, considering that we know that God will do the best for us, but letting go means the high probability that we will get hurt in the process. But letting God wreck us and then make us new again will turn out better than we could have imagined.
When we learn to let go and trust that God will guide us, we will find beauty in the life we never knew we wanted. So let go of the life you've been holding onto so hard and let God guide you.
"Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory," (Psalm 73:23-24).
