I was the girl that self harmed. I was the girl who tried to commit suicide. I was the shy girl that never initiated a conversation. I was the girl who wanted to disappear. I was the girl who would cry at the drop of a pen. I was the girl who was afraid to see the counselor because she would tell me I was depressed. Sound familiar?
If this sounds anything like you, then you probably have had a negative past that still clenches on to your hand as you try to run away, and that's okay. Your negative past has made you the strong, beautiful, amazing person you are today. I'm here to tell you that you can embrace your past, but in all honesty you need to let it go. I don't say this to be rude, I say this because if you let that negativity define who you are, you have let the depression own you. So let it go. Stop bringing it up at every social function. I promise you nobody cares. Now that might sound harsh but it is the truth. People do not lay down at night and think about your past. Do not take this the wrong way as there are so so so many people who care about you and would be there in a heartbeat if you were to relapse in depression.
When I say let it go I don't mean forget about it. I mean let it change how you look at the world. Whether you believe in God, or the doctors performed a miracle to keep you here, there is a reason you didn't go when you wanted to. Let that be a sign. Instead of letting it consume your mind, let it be something positive. I won't give details, but as I tried to take my life I thought the world was nasty and mean, but that's just not true. Today I count my blessings and thank the world for not taking me, because there is so much here for me. The same goes for everyone, there is a whole world out there! It was 2010 when my world came crashing down. Two years later I was given the love of my life. I am telling you it gets better. It WILL get better, but you have to let go. Stop looking at the world as a place you hate and start looking at it as a million opportunities. Once you change your attitude everything starts changing. The sun gets brighter, people become kinder, you begin to smile and laugh more, things get better. I promise. So let it go.
Now I am the girl that reflects on my negative past to become a bigger, better, and stronger person. Now I am the girl who laughs uncontrollably. Now I am the girl who want to experience life. Now I am the girl who wants to see the world. Now I am the girl who smiles, who initiates conversations with people I would never talk to before. Now I am the girl who will be there in a half second if you are feeling depressed. Now I am the girl I always resented for being so happy. While I still cry, I still occasionally have days I don't feel I deserve to be here, I am now the girl who understands.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts please get help because this world needs you. This world loves you. This world was not meant to tear you down. Suicide is not a joke. If you are someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, I am begging you to get help.
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE, 1-800-273-TALK, 1-800-448-3000, 1-800-448-1833.
Psalm 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."
