I have an illness, that from the outside no one would be able to tell. I look fine, speak fine, can think fine, but in reality, my body is waging war against itself. An invisible illness is when you have a issue with your health, that others cannot see. When you break your arm, everyone can tell you're in pain. But when you cope with a chronic pain disorder day in and day out, it is hard to relate to and understand.
I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. Rheumatoid Arthritis is not like typical osteoarthritis, which just is bone pain, it is much more. Rheumatoid Arthritis causes severe joint pain, autoimmune issues, skin rashes and also makes you very weak and tired. I couldn't jump, run, lift weights, all I could do was sleep. I became depressed, and let anxiety take over my life.
Over the last year, I have realized that you shouldn't complain about your illness, that you should let it push you forward. I have gained countless opportunities to be a blessing in peoples' lives around me because of it. Another thing that I have learned is to be willing to help others during a hard time, because I remember how it feels to be alone in the darkness. Also, the more you let something control your life, you let it win.
The most rewarding thing is when you push through the days where you are in the most pain to do little things. I remember one day I walked a mile around a track, other people around me were passing me, but I was beaming with pride that I pushed through a tough day and did something that seemed impossible when I woke up. Sometimes conquering things seem impossible in the morning, but taking the beginning of the day to motivate yourself with movies, spiritual podcasts and prayer does help. It not only sets the tone for your day mentally, but it changes the way you push yourself physically.
I also have become more relatable to others because of struggling with this illness. I know what pain feels like, and I realize that sometimes people want compassion, but also sometimes people do not want to be pitied. I know for me sometimes the approach I want others to take will change, but effort on other peoples side means the world to me. Never leave anyone alone because you do not know how to approach them, just ask them. Trust me, not only will they appreciate you, but they will learn the answer themselves.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I believe that my life is not just a coincidence, but I have been divinely placed where I am. I also believe that I am a conquer, and a daughter of the king. That being said, I will fight for the day I can walk five-miles with no issue. I will fight for the day I can dance again. I will fight for the day when I am completely healed. I 100-percent believe that I will see the day when I do not struggle with autoimmunity. But until that day, I will not accept the fact that I cannot due what everyone else can do because I am in pain. I might have to do things a different way, and slower but that just makes the small victories even more exciting.
So I want you all to know that I hate having an invisible illness, but letting it kill you and knock you down isn't all you can do. What you can do is fight. I might look and sound like a basic white girl, but in reality, I am a champion of a battle I fight daily. My victory has already been won and I am better than ever.
