Growing up, I was raised on an important moral called The Golden Rule; which in principle says, “treat others the way you would like to be treated". I was taught to treat everyone with kindness and compassion, because (of course) that is the way I would want someone to act toward me. Through emphasizing the importance of this simple little rule, my parents truly did do a great job of raising a considerate, and caring young daughter. However, if there is one thing that this rule fails to take into consideration, it is that there is such a thing as being “too nice”.
However, this is a lesson I did not learn until my first year of college, when I ventured off nearly 800 miles from home to take on the world on my own. Coming from a place of southern hospitality, where everyone is welcoming and kind, and from a family that welcomes anyone and everyone into the doors with open arms, it had never occurred to me that there could possibly be such a thing as being “too nice". This was something that took me a year of independence, new adventures, and *lots* of learning from my mistakes to realize.
I learned (through making mistakes), that sometimes when you are raised right and are a compassionate person (like myself), you will go out of your way to help others- no matter who they are. And while my huge heart is one of my favorite features about myself, I have come to understand it can also be one of my biggest flaws.
Sometimes it is necessary to put yourself first
I learned that when you are constantly offering yourself away piece by piece to people who don't care or don't even appreciate your help, in the end you are left with nothing. I have finally recognized that sometimes, it is necessary to take care of yourself and prioritize your needs before others. And that no, that does not make you selfish. It makes you wise for understanding that you must care for your own needs before you can take on the needs of someone else.
It is impossible to please everyone
This past year, I have learned that no matter how hard I may try to (or want to) it is impossible to please everyone, so I need to just stop trying and work on pleasing myself. If you spend all of your time trying to make others happy, you will never have time to work on your own happiness.
Sometimes, being too nice can lead to being too trusting.
When you are constantly trying to help others, you see the good in everyone around you. And while this is an amazing quality, I learned from my own mistakes that sometimes it can lead to being too trustworthy in people. When you expect only the good out of people around you in this sometimes messed up world that we live in, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. I'm not saying don't trust anyone, but it is necessary to have a healthy level of skepticism and doubt in people to make sure you don't get taken advantage of.
Only apologize if you actually did something wrong.
I am incredibly guilty of saying "sorry" in situations that are completely and 100% not my fault. This is a common flaw of many overly nice people, because you're used to just being the bigger person and apologizing for things you didn't do to restore peace and happiness for everyone. However, you aren't helping yourself by taking on criticism for no reason (or the person who actually needs to learn to apologize).
Conflict isn't always a bad thing.
When you are always keeping your opinion to yourself to prevent from stirring up unnecessary drama, sometimes you are unaware that this is not being fair to yourself. Obviously, I'm not suggesting to pick a fight every time someone talks. However, sometimes it is necessary to express your thoughts (even if you know that it will cause conflict), because holding your opinions inside for so long is only hurting you. Additionally, addressing an issue sooner rather than later can prevent a much bigger issue in the long run.
