Dating has always been kind of that thing that you're either really good at, or you have no idea what you're doing. I have found that I am good at dates. I can go out, laugh, have a good time and sit confidently without too much struggle.
But relationships are the thing that gets messy. Emotions run deep and you get overwhelmed with your feelings for the other person and sometimes it feels better to just date without really worrying about what's happening next.
After my most recent breakup, I was feeling SO over labels and men in general, but I decided I genuinely liked going out and getting to know people. So instead of worrying about the next new "boyfriend," I decided to just go on some dates without a single expectation.
But where do you meet a bunch of random strangers ready to go out with a girl in her mid (to late…) twenties?
Why the internet of course!
For me, I have been an on and off subscriber of match.com for years. It has honestly been an amazing experience and I regret zero of the relationships I have had. Having said that, I wasn't looking for my husband, rather looking to go out and see what happens. So that's exactly what I did!
I chatted with various guys via email and got to know them a little before exchanging phone numbers. I didn't really talk to a bunch at the same time, but there were a couple that did overlap.
The one thing I have learned from online dating is that you do not want to spend too much time talking via text, without ever meeting. Mostly because things are SO different in person and you don't want to waste your energy getting to know someone if the chemistry is weird in person or if they don't actually look like their photo.
The first date was the hardest and yet was the funniest to look back on. It's always hard to come out of a committed relationship after months of dating, to going on a date with someone new.
And in this situation, the guy did not really look like his photo. He was skinny. Like half my size, skinny. And I kept thinking about how I couldn't borrow his clothes and how I'd always eat more than him. I probably missed 70% of what he said to me because I realized that I had eaten two tacos and he had only eaten one and I wondered if my life would always be that way.
I decided after that date, what the hell? There are plenty of men, let's see who is around for next weekend! Each weekend I went out with a different guy.
I went to different places and had a good time. We laughed and ate good food, went on walks and to the movies. I even paid for some of the dates. I am not above some good ole equality!
There were a couple of weekends where I actually went on more than one date. Why the hell not? There are three nights to a weekend!
After the month was up, I realized that I didn't want a relationship. I just wanted to find the joy of dating again.
It was not about getting over my ex or finding love. It was about enjoying being single, while also enjoying the city and the men it has to offer.
Even though none of those dates turned into a relationship, I was open to it. I was not against it by any means. I just also realized I was not necessarily finding the connection or guy I was looking for. And that's OK!
I don't know why we shame women for playing the field. And to be honest, I did not sleep with or go home with any of these men and only actually kissed one of them. Though I would not necessarily have been against some more kissing. YOLO! Am I right?!
Never be afraid to explore what's out there. It's not wrong to test the waters and play the field a little. You do not owe anything to anyone. Just enjoy yourself. You won't always be free to go on dates every weekend and meet new people.
Now is the time to live it up! Men OR women!
Just be sure to do what makes YOU happy. And if that's Paul on Saturday and Jared on Sunday, then so be it! I am here for it!