I've been thinking long and hard recently about the hardships that come with being human. We always say that we're just human- but we also say that we are the most evolved beings in the world. Both sentiments are correct, to a degree. Inherently, people are both blessed and cursed with both instincts, reflexes, gut reactions ("animalistic" tendencies) and the ability to think rationally and logically. These dichotomous qualities are inherently at odds with each other. This often cause issues in our lives. Lately, I've tried to come up with an example of how these two are fundamentally conflicted. Lo and behold, I came upon the following quote:

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”- Johnny Depp

I'm torn about this sentiment. On the one hand, I think it's highly likely that if you truly fall in love with someone while you're with someone else you probably aren't IN love that first person.

However- how much do we actually "love" the second person? God knows our minds play tricks on us because we get cold feet. There is also such a thing as an innocent attraction. At our core we're all animals. We will never be able to rid ourselves of the instincts we have. One of the biggest instincts we fall victim to is being physically attracted to other people.

The crux of this issue is being able to distinguish between whether or not we truly love the second person or if we are merely infatuated/in lust with them. If it's the latter then it's most likely just a phase (more on this in a minute). If it is the former, if you truly see yourself with the second person, feel that they are your "one", that you would be happy spending forever with them- then you probably are better off breaking things off with the first person- no matter how much you think you love him/her.

There's an interesting phenomenon occurring in our culture. Whether it's always been there and I'm just now old enough to realize it or whether it's actually a new phenomenon I will never know. Recently, I've noticed that a lot of people seem to be staying in relationships because they feel obligated to. What I mean to say is that these relationships seemed to have been formed (out of genuine attraction, a desire to be coupled up, fear of being alone- a myriad of reasons) and have progressed much faster and lasted much longer than they should.

I am not condemning these relationships. I'm not saying these relationships are wrong or should be ended. If you're content with your relationship then more power to you! But if you find someone else you have an attraction to- more than a physical attraction- there may be something to it. In the long run it's kinder to cause a person you care about heartache when you first realize your relationship isn't right than it is to convince yourself everything will be ok only to have it blow up down the line. Obviously this isn't the case with every relationship- but that nagging doubt is a killer- I know, I've been there. I know how insanely difficult it is to admit that you aren't "in love" or "meant to be" with someone you care a lot about. But I truly believe it's better to end it when you first admit that to yourself than it is to let things linger- I should know. I let things linger WAY too long with my last boyfriend.

I said I would get back to the infatuation/lust issue in a minute. I think it's important to distinguish between lust/crushing/infatuation and a real emotional or mental connection that grows into attraction and love. I don't have a foolproof way to distinguish between these-probably because I don't have firsthand experience with it. Essentially I think it comes down to this: when you meet him/her do you think "wow I want to see him/her naked" or do you think "wow he/she is smart and cool. i want to get to know them."? If it's the former: you're in lust. Yes, it is possible for lust to turn into love- but if you're invested in your current relationship it's better to nip it in the bud. If it's the latter well that's where things get murky.

So at the end of the day what are we left with? The desire to both be kind, decent human beings and the instinct towards being attracted to being connected with other people. There are no easy answers. I don't think there are supposed to be. There are only hard questions. Perhaps it's how we each deal with them that defines our character. There's no fault with either path. It's admirable to keep commitments regardless of your desire. It is just as admirable to admit that you want something different. Having the courage to follow your happiness is one of the greatest gifts I can imagine. I'm not sure it's one that I possess. Fear of rejection, being alone, and failure can paralyze a person- I know it paralyzes me.

In the end this issue is MUCH bigger than the dilemma that occurs when you love two people- but it sure is a good example of the internal conflict we all experience at some point. Follow your heart; follow your heard; follow WHATEVER is right for you. Regardless of what you decide to follow, make sure that you follow it wholeheartedly, doggedly, and with the courage of your convictions!

Go forth into the week with the knowledge that we all experience the conflict between instinct and logic. And you will never be alone as long as you are willing to open up to others!