No tragedy will ever make sense to everyone, but to some it is all too relatable. If you find this article hard to relate to, consider this a true blessing.
What I do know is that somehow, someone somewhere has been affected by someone that passed away too early in life. Maybe it was your brother, sister, mother, father, son, daughter, friend or even a grandparent. In the case of death, everyone dies too young.
Some are more fortunate than others, and are a bit more “prepared” when a death is coming. But in any case, there is nothing fortunate about death. However, in my case and likely in some of yours, you lost a loved one too suddenly for you to even grasp.
In my opinion, it is that moment when you hear the news that a loved one or someone you once loved is in pain and in need of prayer because of a life or death situation. It is in this moment that you find yourself to be the strongest person you may ever be.
Nothing in life can prepare you for that moment or those words on that phone call saying, “he’s gone.” Nothing will amount to the pain you feel when your world comes crashing down because you don’t know the last time you saw that person or even the last time you spoke with them. It is this moment that is something you will remember for the rest of your life.
It is in this moment that you start to think about the many “could haves and would haves” with that person. If I could have seen him one more time I would have hugged him tighter. If I would have known that those would have been the last words we spoke, I would have said, “I love you,” just a little bit louder.
It is only after you stop blaming yourself on what you “would have” done, that's when you think about how his life and his future would have played out. His smile was contagious; he would have made me smile just one more time.
He was so good at baseball; he would have gone to college and played. His family raised him right; he would have been the best husband, or even father someday.
It is at this point when you become angry, because you have no idea why something so bad could happen to someone so good, and this is what hurts. It hurts so badly, because you know that the only person who is in control of what happened doesn't exist. Not one single person could have changed the situation because in fact, it happened, and the reality is this: he’s never coming back.
After this anger settles, it’s time to sit back and reflect on the good times; the times that you and him had that no one may ever know about. You know, the way he used to look at you or the countless laughs you shared together. That’s the part that makes you feel happy again, because you know that no one and nothing else, can ever take those away from you. These are the memories that will last forever.
Of course, there will be times where you can’t stop thinking about him. Those times when you seek out your old photographs or your old text messages, and you begin to listen to your songs, reliving the grieving process once again. It is in this moment that he is there and he is looking down at you. He sees that you are in pain, not only because he’s gone, but also because of school, stress, or the many emotions running through your head and you just can’t seem to take it. It is when you feel like you are going to crash and burn that he sends you a saving grace, whether that may be through another person, a song or a scripture.
In that moment, in your time of need he is watching over you. In fact, if you’re like me you have more than one guardian angel protecting you each and everyday. This is when you can reflect on the fact that you truly are blessed; because you still have a little piece of them with you everywhere you go.
So please, take this time and think about the hurt that you have been through with the loss of a loved one. Then, stop and take the time to look at how far you have come from it. Know that you can make it through the rough times because it is with this loss that you realize how strong you truly are.
Remember to never take life for granted because we never know how long we are here and the strong impact we may have on others. Always remember to hug the ones you love a little tighter and to tell those that you love them. Never forget to live your life to the fullest because you are not guaranteed tomorrow and you never know what it may throw at you.
Everything happens for a reason in life, and because of those reasons, you have become the person that you are today. For this, thank those who have passed. These individuals have taught you how to overcome an obstacle, helping you to not only become who you are today, but ever stronger than you were yesterday.
In loving memory of Jason-
August 12, 1997 - August 3, 2014
