I was “that girl"—I partied until I blacked out, I took whatever was in front of me, I was reminded of embarrassing things I didn’t remember doing the previous night. I was notorious and my name was usually synonymous with "drunk," "wasted" or "a good time." I usually only recalled 25 percent of the night prior, and I was OK with it—it was glamorous, and I was the life of the party, or so I thought.
I started abusing prescription pills at 14 years old after a chronic illness left me dependent on Dialudid and other narcotics. However, it wasn’t until I left for college and discovered alcohol that my life very abruptly fell apart. Alcohol, opiates, amphetamines—that was my solution to social anxiety, insecurity and a self-loathing I developed early on as a female in a superficiality-obsessed society. I loved myself when I was high; nothing and no one could stop me. Morally repulsive actions and an inability to protect myself under the influence proved to be minuscule costs in comparison to the high I achieved through my drug use.
I lived to use and used to live. That is until I just couldn’t do it anymore. At 21 years old, I woke up in a hospital in London after sneaking a fifth of whiskey on to the international flight from Atlanta. “Crap,” I said, in lieu of a more vulgar term. I had been here before, sadly enough. I was a regular to overdoses and alcohol poisoning. “It’s just a phase” or “everyone goes through this,” I would tell myself.
Spoiler Alert: No, everyone does not go through this.
It took me three more months after the London incident, or the “mile HIGH club” as I comically referred to it as, until I finally accepted I might have a problem. I attended my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in February 2015. At 21 years old, I was still not willing to accept I was an addict or alcoholic, but I was forced to attend meetings through a recovery program. I sat, for months, judging the people in these meetings, comparing my story to theirs and justifying my use. “I’m not like them; I haven’t had a DUI or been to jail. They obviously have a problem.”
It wasn’t until I hit my rock bottom in May 2015 that I finally admitted that I, Chelsea, was an alcoholic/addict. Everyone’s rock bottom looks different but mine looked a little something like this: I had to drop out of school, I lost the man I thought I loved, I was banned from a skydiving center in Atlanta and I was kicked off the Georgia Tech Skydiving Team. I had lost everything— my alcoholic “solution” had robbed me of my livelihood. Suddenly, paint thinner, a bottle of sleeping pills and a handle of vodka became very appealing.
I woke up later under involuntary psychiatric hold at a hospital in Smyrna, GA. A moment of clarity struck as the nurse was explaining to me what a ‘1013’ involuntary hold meant. I have a problem.
I spent six weeks at the recovery facility after that incident and have spent many more months in recovery facilities since. But today, I am sober.
Getting sober at the legal drinking age is not for the faint of heart. Foregoing parties, user friends, drinking buddies and old playgrounds has been extremely difficult. I have been through three relapses, but I have never given up. This time around, I am more willing to accept that I cannot live the life I used to. I have had to change everything—including moving to LA. However, I have found a new family and host of friends in recovery. Today, I have many sober friends I can call at the drop of a hat if I even feel tempted to drink. Recovery has been the biggest blessing in my life. Today, I am happier, healthier and I genuinely love my life. I have been able to rediscover myself and my passions. Where I used to get blackout drunk, I now fill my time with skydiving, running and yoga. Through recovery, I am finally living the life I imagined.
Most importantly, in my recovery, I am not alone. A plethora of articles suggest that millennial drug and alcohol abuse is at an all-time high. There are many, like me, who are still sick and suffering, who don’t even know that help exists. That is why I am here to share my story—in helping another addict, I can help myself and refocus on why I decided to get sober. If you read this and relate to any part, I urge you to go to a local AA meeting. AA has saved my life; recovery has saved my life. Today, I am 23 years old, and I am proud to admit that I am sober. Life without all the drinking and drugs has been so rewarding. If you think you have a problem, or just want to stop your drug use or drinking, you can do it.
Please see the following resources for help with addiction:
I am also available at cashworth6@gatech.edu for any questions and support.
