What You Leave Behind When You Kill Yourself

What You Leave Behind When You Kill Yourself

Danny G
Danny G

When you have a bad day, a lousy week, or maybe you've given it thought and have decided you've had a lousy life, you make a choice that you're simply going to end that life. You want to stop dealing with it, stop living it, stop going through it, and you just don't want to handle it anymore.

So you kill yourself.

Some people decide for whatever reason, they want to do it using a gun. Other people decide for whatever reason, they want to hang themselves somewhere in the house. Some people decide for whatever reason, they want to drive off a cliff. And there are other choices. It sounds morbid to describe the various methods that people use to kill themselves. But I am doing it for a reason.

The reason is simple - To point out that while some of us think that it's an easy way out, that it's something someone hasn't given a thought about, or it's something that someone simply decided to do on a whim, there really is more behind it than that. It takes creativity. It takes genius. It takes some serious thought. And it takes some intelligence. If someone wants to hang themselves, it involves figuring out how to make it work where they won't fail. If someone wants to shoot themselves, they have to figure out how to make it work to where they won't fail. Because if someone wants to do it bad enough, they don't want to end up sticking around being brain dead, being a vegetable, and not being able to do anything on their own.

But one thing people don't seem to take into account when they want to kill themselves is that they don't ask themselves a simple question - What are they going to leave behind when they kill themselves. And maybe if you give that some thought, you should think about it as well. What are you going to leave behind when you kill yourself?

By this point and time, you may have stopped reading. But then again, maybe you haven't. Because maybe at some time in your life, you've given it some thought. Maybe you hated life. Maybe you hated people around you. Maybe you wanted to kill yourself too. And you just saw what I'd asked - What you leave behind when you kill yourself. Maybe that's why you didn't do it. You thought about who you'd leave behind. You thought about what people would think about you. Maybe you even wondered how it would feel when you did it. I can't answer those questions. I don't know. Because I'm not you.

But maybe if people gave it some thought before they actually decided to carry through with it, they would reconsider, and maybe they wouldn't do it. Because if they knew the answer to that question, they might not want to put someone through that. They wouldn't want to make someone have to deal with it. They wouldn't want their family to suffer. They wouldn't want their friends to cry. They wouldn't want people to go to a funeral and have to ask everyone else why it happened, or did anyone know, or why would he/she do it, or what was so bad that they wanted to stop living.

Maybe you didn't want everyone asking the question that I've asked - What do you leave behind when you kill yourself.

Think about it.

Just take a moment and think about it.

Don't do it. Even if you want to do it. Don't.

Think about it.

Just take moment and think about it.

Maybe take two minutes to think about it. Maybe take an hour.

Maybe you should give it a day.

Think about it.

What do you leave behind when you kill yourself.

If you're married, you leave behind a wife.

If you have children, you leave them without a father or mother.

If you have friends, you leave them behind wondering why you did something like what you did.

If you have never been married, maybe you think you are leaving nothing behind.

But think about it.

Don't do it.

Just think about it.

You want to kill yourself.

But what do you leave behind when you kill yourself.

If you hang yourself from the ceiling, someone is going to find your body.

If you shoot yourself in the head, someone is going to have to clean it up.

If you decide to drive off a cliff, someone is going to have to clean up the mess.

If you decide to swallow pills, someone is going to find you in the bath tub, bedroom or whever you want to do it.

If you decide to do it. You leave behind one thing.


This might be a simple decision that you are going to make. You want to die. You don't want to see tomorrow. You don't want to suffer. You don't want to go through anymore pain. You just simply don't want to wake up again.

But you are going to leave you behind.

You are going to leave behind unanswered questions.

You are going to leave behind bills.

You are going to leave behind debt.

You are going to leave behind friends.

You are going to leave behind family.

You are going to leave behind your pets if you have some.

You are going to leave behind a house. A yard. Belongings. Things that will remind people of you forever.

Before you decide to do it, ask yourself a question.

What will you leave behind when you kill yourself.

Everyone leaves something. Everyone leaves someone. And that's enough to make you maybe want to ask the important question before you carry through with something like this.

Do you want to see tomorrow?

Do you want to suffer if you fail trying to do it?

Do you want to know if life will get better?

Do you want to see friends you haven't seen in awhile?

Do you want to say goodbye to your family before you go?

Do you want to mow the yard?

Do you want to shovel the walk?

Do you want to feed your pets?

Do you want to pay your bills and not leave someone trying to figure them out?

Do you want to............

Ask yourself a question.

What do you leave behind when you kill yourself.

Once you do it, there is no going back.

There is no erasing the decision.

There is no starting over.

Before you decide to make a decision that is life-changing and forever, ask yourself a question.

What do you leave behind when you kill yourself?

Popular Right Now

I Refuse To Apologize For Putting My Mental Health Before My Education

It's OK to not be OK.

I’ve been in college for a long time now. By the time I receive my undergraduate degree I will be 24 going on 25. Some days I think about this and I feel defeated, like I’m far behind where I wanted to be in my life. Then I remember why I’m so far behind and I feel a little bit better about it.

I’ve struggled with various mental illnesses for a large portion of my life. Over the past 10 years at least. It’s been a daily struggle and somedays I can get out of bed and face the day and be perfectly fine, but there are days when I can’t function. AND THAT’S OKAY.

I used to beat myself up for missing a class or having to call into work because I just couldn’t do life that day. As I’ve gotten older I’ve let myself realize that you have to take care of yourself in whatever way works for you. If that means that you have to stay in bed for three days and sleep, then do that and when you feel more yourself face the world and get your life together.

Mental health days have proven to be so important to my life and successfully functioning as a part of society. Yes, maybe it’s taken me a bit longer to get through certain parts of my life, but I’ve moved at a pace that works for me and when I’m finally finished with this chapter of my life I’ll be able to say that I came out happy and healthy and functional.

College is hard. It’s hard for healthy people and it’s definitely hard for those who struggle with any sort of illness, mental or physical.

Over the past 10 years I have come to terms with what my illnesses mean. I can’t be like everyone else all the time and I can’t just pretend everything is fine. The more I tried to ignore my problems, the larger my problems became. In this case ignorance IS NOT bliss, it’s a death sentence.

Everyone in this world will struggle with something at some point in their life and if you’re anything like me you’ll put on a brave face and say that you’re fine…for a while. But there is no shame in not being okay. You can’t be okay all that time. To quote my favorite show, Grey’s Anatomy, “Not everybody has to be happy all the time. That’s not mental health; that’s crap!”

Take that day off. Stay in bed. Eat that junk food that you never let yourself have. Cry. Scream. Drive until you don’t remember why you weren’t okay in the first place. Do whatever it is you need to do to feel okay (within reason. Please don’t do anything unhealthy). Accept that it is okay not to be okay and show the world that, yeah maybe you’re a hot mess, but you’re handling it and you’ll come out better than ever because you took the time to sort out your crap and maintain your mental health instead of rushing through it to please society.

So maybe I’ll be in my 30’s before I finish school, but that’s okay because I’m healthy-ish, I’m happy-sorta, and I did what I needed to do to succeed in my own life and I refuse to apologize for that.

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When you start feeling depressed, you kind of go into a downward spiral.

I stare at the wall

It will never move

But I stare intently

As if it might

I can’t breathe

I feel like I’m drowning

But I can’t even save myself

I’m swimming in an ocean

With all my strength

But it’ll never be enough

I’m going to drown

Now it’s a matter of when

Cover Image Credit: Pexels.com

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