The idea of studying abroad is something I have been infatuated with since I was a senior in high school. I've known for almost two years that I wanted to go to Spain my sophomore year of college and I knew I was going to do it. As it approaches quickly and becomes more real, my emotions are running all over the place.
Months ago, it was the most exciting topic anybody could ask me about when it wasn't as close and it was more of an idea than a reality. I could have gone on about it for half an hour if somebody let me, and now when people ask, I shut the conversation down as quickly as possible. I have no idea what changed specifically, but I know the more real it becomes, the more anxious and nervous I get.
I was born and raised in the Phoenix area, so this is really all I have ever known and I have always lived in a small suburb and I am now moving to Centro, Madrid, I have never done the whole big city feel. I mean of course I have traveled both within the United States as well as outside, but I never did it alone. I am very family oriented, so I have never missed anyone's birthday or any other important day and the longest I have ever gone without seeing my parents is two weeks. I think leaving behind my family is one of the hardest aspects of it all.
The weirdest part about the way I am feeling is one day I could wake up so excited and ready to go, and a few hours later I could be almost in tears, scared and anxious about my journey. I found some comfort and reassurance in talking to other people who have studied abroad who said that this close to their trip they felt the same way, were second-guessing their choices, anxious and less excited to go.
The things I stress about are sometimes so small, it almost feels like my brain is unintentionally yet purposely making me more anxious and scared. I will worry about how to get from the airport to my apartment (like mentioned, I am from Phoenix and we don't really use public transportation except a light rail which only runs about 20 miles east and west in a straight line). How to even buy a train ticket, how to know if I am getting on the right train, etc.
As I mentioned, growing up in a smaller town makes you very trusting, you know most people, etc. so moving to a huge city where I do not speak the language that well and know nobody makes me a little nervous as I am going to have a lot of adjusting to do.
All in all, as the novelty of it wore off and it set in that I am leaving everything I know for six months, it got pretty nerve racking but overall I know that if I were to back out of my trip, I'd regret it more. I know that once I settle in and I am there, it will be the most amazing journey of my life thus far, sometimes it just gets hard convincing myself of that.
