It comes as an undemanding task to downplayanxiety when one is unfamiliar with the nearly unfaltering state of fear and watchfulness it is accompanied by.
Truly, it's a tough subject to confront, especially if you are affected by it. But otherwise, one that is typically overlooked.
I live with anxiety. And I don't say this lightly.
Growing up, I've heard it all- from being called a "worry wart" all the way to answering to "nervous Nelly."
And if you don't know me all that well and have never been around me at my worst, then you'd probably never guess such a struggle could be present inside of me.
But it's true. I worry. I worry about even the smallest of things, at the most inconvenient times.
It's not something I am fond of thinking about- though it causes me to put a huge amount of thought into everything else- but it's real.
It's a daily battle inside my mind and it's broader than just a stressful situation.
It leaves a feeling of uneasiness trying to seek acceptance in the idea of not being able to simply "go with the flow."
Luckily, I am not crippled by it nor is it ever really all that noticeable to the eye.
But it's there.
It's there sometimes more than what I think I can handle.
It's there when I feel my heart begin to race or when it feels like everything around me is moving too quickly to feel attached anymore.
It's there when I somehow manage to overthink myself into a bad mood, after analyzing things that could go wrong instead of focusing on what could go right.
It's there when I think the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
It's there when I feel as though I'm entitled to please everyone around me.
It's there when I map out scenarios in my head before they happen.
It's there when I replay things I said even an hour ago and wonder if it was taken the wrong way.
To the outside world, I could easily appear as a composed individual.
But really, my mind never stops. I tend to fear the unknown and it's likely that I don't cope well with change. I allow myself to become overwhelmed with what isn't even worth it and I worry about the wrong things at all the wrong times.
Contrary to that of some, I realize I'm not alone in my thought process; anxiety is the real deal and it affects more people than one would ever imagine.
I am thankful it doesn't define me and fails to overcome me.
However, that's not always the case- I'm one of the lucky ones.
For those who live fighting against it, it's a nonstop challenge that's capable of hindering day to day life.
One of the most sincere and outgoing people I've had yet to come across deals with this silent demon much like myself, and you would never know the toll it takes on her at times.
"My anxiety takes over my mentality fully. I tend to have episodes where I can't think straight, to the point where I can't breathe. The biggest downfall is that it leads to other problems such as overthinking and constant worrying. It sometimes makes me feel alone and depressed. Triggers are everywhere. Anxiety is no joke and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy"
It's important to be patient with yourself, while also being surrounded by those who provide uplifting energy, unconditional support, and whole-heartedly offer to understand.
I think everyone has the power to turn a common weakness into their own personal strength.
This is the way God made me to be.
If He didn't think I could conquer it, I would have instead been created in that of a carefree spirit.
But this is me.
And I'll live through it, not only with it.
So be gentle with yourself and with others.
Be considerate, be patient, be compassionate. You may never know someone's struggle.
It's taken me quite some time and years of soul searching to find acceptance in the fact that this is the way God made me to be and if He didn't think I could handle it, I would instead have a careless spirit. But that just isn't me.
