I don’t have real problems. There are so many other more pressing and awful issues in the world besides not having enough clothes or not being able to decide which concerts I want to attend this summer, I realize this. However, I also realize just because my problems are petty, that doesn’t mean I should ignore them or pretend they don’t upset me. So judge all you need to, just know that the jokes on you, I’m judging me also.

In the past few months, I have started to learn what it is like to fall out of touch with my close friends from high school. I always thought your high school friends would be your best friends forever, but alas, time has taught me differently. We are all becoming adults now and choosing our own paths, some of which lead completely different ways.

For a long time, I tried very hard to keep up with everyone and find times to meet up with them or organize things so we could get together over breaks and hang out like old times. Reaching out, trying to get these things together, would make me stress myself out and end up spending my breaks tense and frustrated instead of relaxing and taking a much-needed break. Most of the time, I’d just have people canceling on me last minute or just not showing up at all and honestly, it hurt more than I expected or cared to admit. I mean, these were supposed to be my future bridesmaids and I couldn’t even get a text back let alone a chance to just get together and talk.

What hurt wasn’t even that they were busy, (I completely understand that) we are ALL busy. Between work and family and any other events, I get it, we are all busy, including me. I had just as much stuff to do, but I was still willing to overbook and wear myself out just to make sure I got to see how they were doing. What hurt were the things they were busy with. “Oh I’m having dinner with my live-in boyfriend,” or “oh sorry, I might make plans with Jenny and Steve, I don't know, but just go ahead and count me out.” They weren’t even considerate enough to make up decent excuses. Once I even had a friend just completely stand me up because, even though we’d had plans for weeks, she decided she’d rather stay at home and drink with her boyfriend.

Of course, initially, I was spiteful and angry. I suppose it was because it is much easier to try to hurt someone else than to admit they hurt you. I would look at their Snapchats, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook posts and feel awful and upset because they just simply didn’t care about our friendship. At some point, though, I realized a very important thing. These people weren’t my friends anymore, and even if they were, they weren’t the kind of friendships I wanted or needed.

Stop checking on people that aren't checking on you.

Keeping in mind that the phone works both ways, I couldn't keep being the first to reach out to them in their times of need when they never were in mine. True friendships depend on mutual respect and putting forth equal effort. We live in a small town and everyone knows everyone's business. Why was it that when I had my first broken heart, none of these "friends" offered a shoulder to cry on? Honestly, I would've even settled for a typical nosy, "aw, what happened?" But low and behold, not even a sliver of interest. If I needed a sign, right there it was.

I just had to take a step back and look at all the things I had that I wasn’t appreciating. The friends from high school and childhood I still talked to were incredible. I have wonderful, true friends that I have met over the years who will be there when I need them. Friends who will spend time with me because they want to, not because they feel like they need fresh gossip. Friends that will be my late night, heartbroken shoulder to cry on and then know me well enough to never speak of the event again. I don’t, by any means, believe that your friends should be at your beck and call, but close friends should at the very least care. I didn’t and don’t need to stay in high school. I need friends who will make me better, not worse. I’m making friends at school, I’m moving forward, I’m getting away, and now I know everyone else should be able to as well. There is no need for me to waste my time trying to save friendships that might not even be worth saving.

There are so many things to look forward to and enjoy in life, and I can't continue to use the time I have trying to salvage silly things like one-sided friendships.There is no blame to be placed, just white flags to be waved.

We had some good laughs, great memories, and tears when needed, but all of those things are now in the past. We aren’t the same people we were when we met four years ago and that’s okay. We’ve all made our choices and now I’m making the choice to let go. Throwing in the towel. Waving my white flag. Whatever you want to call it, I’m making the choice to stop wasting my time begging for friendship and mourning what once was, but instead simply just leaving it all as fond memories. Honestly, I can't even pretend that I'm not here for you anymore, because I am and I always will be here if you need me. I can't blame you for choosing who you want your close friends to be. I hold no grudges and want no trouble, in fact, I wish you all the best in each and every little thing you do.

One of the greatest things about this life is: sometimes people drift away, friendships fade out, feelings are hurt, but then after everything, life goes on.