The days go by, the clock ticks. Nothing happens. The worry sets in.
Waiting is hard, unless of course, you have patience.
All my life, patience has been a tough virtue for me to grasp. This is most likely due to the fact that I am a huge worrywart; therefore, waiting is not my forte. As I look back on my life, I realize now just how often I waited without patience. I waited on a tryout list to be posted with my name on it. I waited for a boy to finally understand and like me for who I am. I waited for a final test grade to be posted, I waited to find a great group of friends,, and I waited for the health of a relative. But ultimately, I waited on all these moments to see how their results would actually affect my life. I wanted answers, and I wanted them immediately. I desperately wanted these all of these circumstances to play out in my favor, but often they never did.
So what has this all taught me?
From these moments of waiting, I have learned to be patient--more importantly, with God. What I have learned from all this waiting is that God doesn’t enjoy making us wait, but he does enjoy teaching us patience along the way. He is a tough God, but He’s not an uncaring one. As I recall times that I waited, I remember them to be some of the most excruciating and painful. I would question why God was putting so much distress in my life if He really did love me. Occasionally, there were heartbreaking moments that completely contradicted what I strongly yearned to happen. But even if the final outcome was not the answer I wanted, God consistently had a way of tossing out my plans to create something greater.
However, all of this does not mean that when the times of waiting do come, I am completely positive God has it all taken care of. God has His moments in which he tests my faith…hard. I wait and I wait with no answer, so I try to be patient. I beg and I pray as the worry creeps in. I wait more with no changes, only infuriating me further as I scream out, “Are you even there? Do you even listen to my prayers? Why do You keep allowing these struggles in my life? Why are You forcing me to wait?" With the annoyance and anxiety building on top of one another, I feel as if I am drowning, and He is just watching me do so, laughing without care. My mind wonders why God would ever place so much worry in my life in the first place.
An image on Facebook caught my attention a few weeks ago. It stated that God actually isn’t the cause of our worry, but Satan is. It is his way of tearing us away from our relationship with God, by placing that fear and doubt in our hearts. I had never thought of it that way, so now when those feelings set in, I simply believe. What I have learned is that trust grows from faith, and patience grows from trust. When waiting begins, I trust that God has my back, I have patience that what He has in store for me is good, and I have faith that He is present.
Maybe you have experienced this before, but if you haven’t, I can genuinely say that God never has bad intentions for you or for me. God is not an all-powerful one sitting up in Heaven, looking down on lowly humans to release Karma the instant we decide to sin and turn away. He is actually a God that wants the best for us, even though we choose to hurt Him again and again. I know even my dearest friends would not want to reward me after I have continuously hurt and betrayed them, but God is so much different. He is loyal and faithful despite the times that we choose not to be. It's honestly an incredible love.
To this day, I still struggle with waiting. In fact, I am in the midst of a waiting situation right now; I am holding my breath to see what will happen, trying as hard as I can to keep the worry away in the process. I am definitely not all–knowing, but I do know that waiting hurts. It is not an easy thing to go through, especially if we fail to have patience; but that is what God gives us through waiting.
No matter how long the waiting, God always comes through. When I finally get past to the other side, it is easy to look back and tell everyone of my triumphs and tribulations I encountered along the way. It is easy to get through the waiting and leave God on the back burner all over again, acting like he didn’t play a single hand in getting me to the finish line. What it is hard to do is go through the waiting all over again and realize that my plans are not in solely my hands. They are often past my understanding, but I must have faith, trust, and more importantly, patience. I must have a clear conviction that God is here with me as I struggle. I must allow His will be done and trust where he will lead me. And I must seek patience in believing that His outcome will bring glory, even if it’s not what I want.
So I will trust.
Waiting.
Romans 12:12: "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."
Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."
