One of the biggest mistakes a girl can make in a relationship, in my opinion, is loving your partner more than you love yourself. Now most people are probably saying, "Well, wait. Isn't one supposed to be selfless in a relationship and hold their partner to the highest good?" Yes, love your partner wholeheartedly and let them know how special they are to you. But, that word selfless doesn't sit well with me. Why should you love anyone more than yourself? The opposite of selfless does not need to be selfish. The opposite of selfless can be self-love or self-worth. No one else is carrying you in your skin 24/7; you are. And it's about time that you appreciate that.
It's easy to depend on people, it's much harder to depend on yourself. Women make the mistake everyday of thinking that they are nothing without someone to tell them that they are something. You know who should tell you you're something? Yourself.
After the end of a long relationship, it's hard to be alone. The easy route is to find someone new to tell you you're kind and beautiful. Outside reassurance can be like a drug; you get a little bit of it and need more or else you feel like crap. However, self-love never goes bad. It never makes you beg for more. It never makes you second guess.
Some people are still probably thinking, "Are you saying I shouldn't have a partner or I shouldn't let myself rely on my partner?" And my answer is absolutely not. I am in a relationship myself and I let my partner compliment and care for me regularly. However, because I took time to "date" myself first I am able to appreciate what I am receiving and what I deserve much more.
When I say I date myself, I literally mean I take myself on dates. I go to the movies... by myself. I go to lunch at my favorite restaurant... by myself. I go look at art or get a coffee... by myself. And I do this because when me, myself and I have time to think things over and spoil myself, well, I just plain feel good. I feel strong and I feel centered.
But, I won't lie, loving yourself is extremely f*@#ing hard. After you've spent years critiquing and criticizing yourself, it's hard to go, "OK, I'll be nice to myself today." It takes time and a huge shift in thinking. It's a combination of body positivity, coming to terms with your life, and a dash of personal kindness. But, it is possible and when you get there, man, does it feel good.
Just remember ladies, when you're feeling a little helpless and are struggling with your ever turning world someone may not always be there to pick up the pieces. You have to love yourself enough to do it on your own.
Be your own ray of sunshine.
