Heartbreak sucks; that’s a known fact. Although I’m not by any terms an expert of the subject, I have grown a lot in this area during the course of this past year. What I learned from my experiences and the roller coaster of unpredictable emotions I went on, has changed my life, and I have no doubt that it’ll change yours too. None of this is world-shattering; I’m sure you’ve heard most of it before. But, even with this being true, fully understanding these ideas can bring you the utmost freedom: freedom from bitterness, disappointment, insecurity, loneliness, and many more of those feelings that seem never-ending. Writer Jennifer Weiner shared some wise words, “he loved me, but he doesn’t love me anymore, and it’s not the end of the world.” Trust me, it’s really not.

1. Breakups are a part of life.

I know this seems obvious, but it’s a lot harder to really understated than you think. Yes, everyone knows that breakups happen, but to understand the part they play in your life is an entirely different story. Not every relationship is supposed to last forever, which could really be a point in itself. Breakups trigger growth, and stunt you into new chapters of your life. It’s easy to feel down in the dumps after a rough breakup, which is understandable, but knowing that you aren't alone should be a comforting thought. It happens to everyone, and in the end we all heal and move on with our lives. Instead of feeling bitter or focusing yourself on the negatives, embrace the situation, flip it around, and find peace in beginning a whole new chapter.

2. A private relationship is a healthy one.

This may be a controversial statement, but I firmly stand by it. Of course there can be exceptions, but in most cases, making your relationship such a public affair sets it up for failure. There’s nothing wrong with posting a few pictures with your significant other once in awhile, but when all of your social media accounts are consumed with the two of you it begins to become a problem. What I’ve come to understand is that couples who overly share their infatuation on social platforms suffer from insecurities rooted deep within their relationship, causing them to search for validation from others. Not going to lie, I’ve definitely been that girl before and so have most of us. It’s basically human nature to seek approval from others. The problem happens when people put their appearance as a “cute couple” ahead of depth, understanding, and a foundation that goes beyond anything superficial. If you are with the right person, you shouldn’t feel the need to have that validated by others.

3. The difference between love and infatuation is huge, but hard to see clearly.

Everyone knows, or at least thinks they know, what the difference between love and infatuation is. The term “love” is usually used for more seemingly serious and long-term relationships while “infatuation” is often used for younger, maybe a little more immature couples who are obsessed with the physical aspects of their relationship. Looking back, I remember thinking that the feelings I had were undoubtedly love, but now I realize that I was a lot more consumed with infatuation than I thought. Infatuation is that sort of “puppy love” or the honeymoon stage of a relationship. When you’re with someone, it’s easy to mistake infatuation for love because you’re blinded in a certain lovey-dovey way. Infatuation is more surface level, while genuine love is based in depth, understanding, honesty, dedication, and an unrelenting pursuit.

4. A spark can easily be there one day and gone the next.

Don’t be shocked if this happens because, well, it happens! For all my fellow teens and young adults out there, this is especially true for our generation. At this age we are constantly changing: who we are, our interests, our goals. With that being said, it’s only logical that feelings can be easily lost if someone is constantly changing their mind about things. Everyone grows at a different pace, and it’s something that we just have to deal with. One day someone can be in adoration of you, and the next seem so utterly distant. Let me just remind you that this has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. Although it could be easy to place the blame on the person who lost feelings, remember that they aren’t in control of their emotions, and appreciate the impact you had on their life.

5. Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds.

After any type of heartbreak, I always hear people say that “time will heal it,” but I’ve found that this isn’t exactly true. Yes, time can heal all wounds but only with the added effort to self reflect and grow, which is a personal choice. Time may heal a wound, but it won’t get rid of bitterness. Bitterness can only be diminished if your wound is dealt with correctly, just like physical injuries. Let yourself ride the rollercoaster of emotions you’re feeling, and don’t beat yourself up about how you're feeling. Actually allow time to heal you, rather than just assume that it will.

6. The 5 stages of grieving are so real.

You’ve probably heard of the “5 stages of grief” and if you haven’t, go look it up. It’s basically a theory that goes through the chronological stages of grieving, like the name tells you. It goes in order: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It sounds pretty legit from an outsider's point of view, but if you actually begin to grieve you realize that not only is it legit, but it basically sums you up to a T. Understanding these 5 stages is extremely useful to the healing process because it gives sense to some emotions that may seem crazy to you. Also, it reassures that you’re not the only one feeling this way, which is always a good feeling.

7. It is what you make of it.

This is self explanatory but very important so i’ll repeat it: it is what you make of it. Though this is true for almost every situation, it is especially in the case of heartbreak. It all depends on your perspective: are you going to take it as a blow to your ego? A push towards a never-ending pit of loneliness and bitterness? Or are you going to see it as a necessary step in a new direction? A chance for you to grow and self reflect; A meaningful shutting of one door in patient expectation for another, and a better one, to open? It’s all up to you, but personally i’d go for the latter.

8. You will be OK.

I promise. What seems like the end of the world now will seem like the biggest blessing in even just a few months. Being single isn’t the end of the world, but rather a time to be thankful for. Find a new hobby, start writing a journal, learn to cook, go on a few hikes, spend time with lively people, discover something new about yourself. It’s a rollercoaster, like I said before. Let yourself feel everything and I swear it’ll pay off big time when you let yourself cry rather than trying to hold it in. Rejection sucks, almost as much as heartbreak sucks in general. Just remember that it’s a part of life, and that when you’ve hit rock bottom there’s nowhere to go but up.