Growing up in a small school in a small town, it seemed to me like no one I knew was happy. Everyone in my friend group in high school complained of constant sadness, fatigue, and panic attacks, and the fact that many of my close relatives suffered similar symptoms lead me to believe that these feelings were simply a part of life. Throughout my teenage years, I met about a handful of people who claimed to feel consistent happiness or joy, and I always believed they were lying.

My sophomore year I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. While it made sense to me, it also seemed like my symptoms were just who I was. My low energy, general disinterest in everything, and feelings of worthlessness just seemed like normal personality traits. Though I had no trouble recognizing the signs when they were present in those around me, I was convinced that I was either faking my symptoms to fit in, or I was simply too weak to function like everyone else.

Bipolar disorder is described as having manic highs, characterized by spending sprees, drug addictions, and hypersexuality. This is known as Bipolar Type I, which is typically associated with celebrities such as Robert Downey Jr., Carrie Fisher, and more recently, Demi Lovato.

Bipolar type II, however, is defined by hypomania, which is characterized by all of the same symptoms to a milder degree. Instead of experiencing mania to the extent that I lost control of myself, my symptoms allowed me to wake up ready and excited to start the day. I could suddenly walk up a flight of stairs without needing to lie down once I reached the top. I felt like there was enough time in the day to do more than a single task, and moreover that the tasks I accomplished had value and purpose. I was finally achieving everything I had wanted to for years, and every minute of my episode, I felt like an entirely new person.

Though after only one brief week I reverted back to my severe depression, I learned more than I ever hoped I could. I now know the incredible things that can be accomplished in 24 hours, I understand that my accomplishments have a larger significance, and I know that it is possible to be happy and healthy.

In a sense, I was right about one thing: our symptoms of mental health or illness are deeply intertwined with our personalities. I am now trying to define the line between the two, which I imagine will not come easily. I am looking forward to furthering this introspective journey but all I need to know in the meantime--and all I wish I had learned years ago--is that mental illness is very much real.