Almost one year ago I lost a very special person--my uncle. When he left I was so lost and heartbroken that I had forgotten myself. I had let the pain and anguish completely take over my mind. I became a shell of the person I once was. When he left I started blaming everyone including myself.
If only I had been there, if only someone had gotten there sooner maybe he would still be with us. Most of all I blamed God. I hated him. How could he do this to me? How could God have taken him away from me? How could he just let this happen?
I could only think of the events that would happen in my life that he wouldn't be apart of; my graduation, my first day of college, my wedding, my kid's lives. All these life changing moments and he wouldn't be here for a single one. The more I thought about these things the angrier I got. I thought, "There's no point in anything, God obviously has abandon me. I mean why else would he have taken him away?"
So I started to hangout with the wrong crowd. I started going to places I shouldn't have gone to. I started doing things that I shouldn't have done. All because I thought God had abandoned me. I had allowed myself to become this person that I am not. I became this sinful horrible creature. When I realized that what I was doing was wrong and that I needed to stop, I was scared that it might be too late for me. I thought God already hates me and probably could never forgive me. I didn't know what else to do, so I opened my bible and just let God take over. I came across so many verses about God’s forgiveness and love.
“In Christ we are set free by the blood of his death, and so we have forgiveness of sins. How rich is God’s grace.” Ephesians 1:7.
“If we say we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth is not in us. But if we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins, because we can trust God to do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrongs we have done.” 1 John 1: 8-9
“So you must change your hearts and lives! Come back to God, and he will forgive your sins. Then the Lord will send the time of rest.” Acts 3:19.
The bible made it seem so easy. All I had to do was repent and God would forgive me. I was still to scared to change though. Sure God will forgive me, but would he still love me? According to Psalms 36: 5-10 God’s love reaches the heavens, but is that still enough? 1 John 4:9-10 says “This is how God showed his love to us: He sent his one and only son into the world so that we could have life through him.
This is what real love is: It is not our love for God, it’s God’s love for us. He sent his son to die in our place to take away our sins. He gave his son to die for us. God did that. He loves us so much that he allowed his perfect and holy son to become sin so that we could have a home in Heaven with him.
After reading that I realized that no matter what I had done, no matter who I had become, I still had God’s love. I still could be forgiven. I was given a second chance to serve God. I realized that if I ever wanted to see my Uncle again I needed to live for God so that I could have my heavenly home.
